still prefer being a stay-at-home-mom
Dedicated to my mom who celebrates her birthday today!
In 2012, to everyone’s surprise, I chose to stay home and attend to our little princess. My friends thought I had been forced into this decision because they just couldn’t believe that I could take such a drastic step in life. I was a full-time working woman, party animal, choir participant, band crooner and Church Parish youth member; an active one at that! So, none of us envisioned me as a stay-at-home-mother. The very thought was unimaginable.
This month, as she turns 10 (my mom and daughter share the same birthday month), I knew that I would never change that decision for anything in the world!
Here is why I still prefer being a stay-at-home-mom!
Unlike my working husband, I can spend as much time as I want with my kids. I can feed them, guide them, discipline them, make sure they eat less junk and also talk to them if I sense some discomfort or alteration in their behaviour. I can make sure that they are not emotionally disturbed and make sure they know that I am always available to talk it out with, especially as my daughter soon touches the double digits.
Dancing, board games, hugs and kisses – These are the little moments of joy that I live for!
Whether it’s my husband or my kids, each one loves to yap! I don’t think I would have the patience to listen to their intellectual monologues or rambling after a 9-hour shift. One day my son (4-year-old then) stood in front of me to explain how an earthquake takes place. It was a 5-minute-long definition involving the sun, moon and galaxy!
My children have taught me to implement the famous phrase – Patience is a virtue.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t only mean that you eat. You have to eat healthily, eat on time, drink water, sleep well, not over-exert your body and have the time to do things you love. Being an avid reader, I hadn’t read for almost 10 years while I was busy working and dating. No doubt, I had fun but I was depriving myself of a healthy lifestyle. All of a sudden, one day I would sleep for around 16 hours at a stretch bringing wrinkles on my mother’s forehead!
Sleep is the most important activity that tends to get ignored while you’re living your life.
When I was working, I had no patience to boil vegetables or cut fruits after I got home. Now, I make sure that my millets are boiled, fruits are cut, vegetables are prepared and junk eating has reduced as much as possible. Living a healthy lifestyle requires time and patience. I noticed that I was able to reduce junk eating at home because I chose to work as a freelancer. I am not bound by deadlines.
Junk food tastes great, doesn’t it? We indulge in some every now and then just to balance it out! 😉
I have always been the keeping in touch kind and as life got busier, technologies made it easier to say hi. Still, if you are not able to keep in touch it’s merely due to the heavy schedules you have carved for yourselves. But, I feel good when I use the time I have to check on people occasionally.
Staying connected shows that you care; especially when it’s ridiculously easy now-a-days.
Writing is my mojo! But, a writer needs her surroundings to be peaceful and quiet so that she can feel the words coming out from within. I have written more than 300 blogs across several websites and authored 2 e-books, too. I have also begun sending hand-written letters to a few (30 as of today) just because I felt the need to bring a smile to their faces. Would this have been possible if I were working full-time?
I got a different high when I wrote those letters and received joyful appreciation.
Though I’m quite liberal with having toys and drawings all over the house, I like clean surroundings. Every 3 months or so, I go around the house, checking what hasn’t been touched for a while and donate it or throw it away.
There are many things hidden from me due to this tri-monthly activity, but I am the best ‘searcher’ and ‘finder’! Hahaha!
I find gardening quite therapeutic. Taking care of a garden is a little tedious as it requires daily watering, regular spraying, clipping dried leaves/weeds and re-potting. I’m sure that I would have a brown garden if I was working.
Hats off to those who manage a green garden as well as have a full-time job!
During these years, I have given English tuition, organized belly dance workshops and also home-schooled my son. I have also helped people with various other matters. I have taken my children to story-telling sessions and read stories to the underprivileged kids.
Only lately, I see myself as a teacher, though we women are born with the knack of teaching.
Yes, this has been my motto for a lot of things that I had never done before. I have realized that I am packed with various talents with which I can help and support others, too. I have also driven my kids to follow this motto. Of course, they can cry and sit tight when they want but they know that in life, only the words ‘I CAN’ will help them move forward.
The mere thought ‘I CAN’ allows you to do so much more than when you think the opposite.
When my husband suggested that I explore job opportunities, now that both the kids would finally start offline school, I began calculating the time I would have to spend at work. Of course, he knows about me wanting to be around the kids, so, recommended I search for a work from home (WFH) project, as per my skills and convenience.
That got me thinking. Why had I stopped looking for jobs a few years ago? Why did I not want to go to an office anymore? Was it really waking up early that stopped me? Or was it something else? That’s when I began jotting down the pros of being a stay-at-home-mom (despite my blog on being financially independent) and couldn’t believe the woman I’ve come to be. 🙂
Am I the only one who feels this way? Or do you also see the advantages of being a non-career oriented SAHM?
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52 Comments
Stay-at-home you may be, but you’re definitely not sitting and twiddling your thumbs!! The life of a freelancer isn’t an easy one either – it’s hard work balancing home, kids and passions too! Give yourself credit – you are still working full time but now you are much happier doing it… Just like me!
high five!
It’s a very good decision of yours to stay at home. There are so many things we can do at home. I also work from home and I get lot of time for myself.
It’s all about choices. SHAM is a great thought. Always do what you love, where you find happiness. Great post it is. Can’t relate to this too much because I’m still single haha. Lovely post.
I wouldn’t either until I got my first baby. Things change! All the best to you, Sweety!
I am a stay-at-home Mom and I felt our thoughts echo in many ways. These are my reasons too for being at home and I am glad I can be close to my daughter like my mother was. Still, it’s difficult for many to understand.
True, Manisha. High five!
People are lucky who get to make the choices of staying home and work. It’s really nice for people who have kids to take care of. Though personally I love to go to work 🙈 wfh is headache for me. But it’s just my opinion.
To each his own, Amruta! Take care of yourself!
Be it a SAHM or a working mom i feel its important that you are able to spend quality time with your kids and also take out time for self and family. I think balancing is the key . Each mom is great , i have been a combination mom and agree to what you said and also would say that being a working mom is great too
My mom was a full-time working mom, too, as she didn’t have a choice. She did her best! I wouldn’t say that working moms are not great, they are super moms!
Cindy, I completely agree with you. I learned a lot about myself after deciding to stay at home. I appreciated your thoughts and optimism in this post. Society must mature and accept that a woman has a choice.
It’s a wonderful idea. Going out for working isn’t too important, but choosing to stay at home gave you enough freedom to do what really matters.
YES, Jais!
A stay-at-home mom has many responsibilities. She is responsible for the upkeep of the household, the care of the children, and often times the family finances as well. While it may seem like a daunting task, it is one that can be very rewarding.
I think it’s great you chose to be there for your kids! I think they will really appreciate it when they are older and you will feel better for having had this time with them
I really loved how you stressed certain points.
There are lots of things which can be done when at home and vice versa. I feel whatever makes a women feel good for herself and the family , she should go for that. I love the way you manage up everything being at home and find happiness.
It is inspiration for all those who say – I am homemaker or stay at home at low voice.
A beautifully penned down post.
Thank you, Meenu.
Always been a fan of hybrid culture. Love the fact that people are normalising wfh/sah culture. Its just so much productive.
Been almost two years since I’m a SAHM but I do freelancing at times. I kinda enjoy being this way
High five, Sindhu!
I don’t believe that You have a 10 years old daughter. Infact, You just look like a newly married 🙂
Awesome Post, I completely agree with you. You wrote my thoughts here, I chose to be a SAHM 9.5 years ago. Not looking for full time job for few more years for sure. I keep doing different activities, take tutions spend quality time with kids & hubby(wink).
Can extend help to my other family members too, had been with my sister for 3months, during and post her Delivery.
True! That’s really satisfying, Pooja! Wish your sister for me.
Agree with you, Cindy. I have discovered many things about myself after choosing stay at home option. Loved your thoughts and positivity in this post.
Thanks, Abha.
Your post is on point, Cindy. Society needs to grow up and accept the fact that a woman can choose to not join the rat race and decide to nurture her family full time. That is entirely the mother’s choice and none of anyone’s business.
Seriously, Ritu! Thanks.
Very true! Being a working woman and a a wife can be balanced but once you have a kid it becomes very difficult to balance three things and in that process women tend to become frustrated and irritated of not supported.
True, Shail.
Same here Cindy, I can feel it…these were the reasons why I decided to be SAHM too. Sometimes, people around me tried to make me feel small by saying…” What’s the point of getting masters degree and other diplomas, when ultimately you are sitting at home?” But I ignored them completely and tried to focus on my and family’s needs and wellbeing.
Hats off to you, Smita!
Good that you are enjoying it after all it’s your life it’s your choice. But try to do something from home as their are so many ways to earn well from home without neglecting family needs
True, I work from home according to my schedule. enjoying it the way it is! Thanks, Samata!
I was a stay-at-home mother and I enjoyed my children’s growing years. It is a mother’s decision if she wants to spend more time with her children. Nobody else’s.
Staying at home was not a choice, soon I was like this is an end to my career but then I realized there was another side of me which I left because of my career and yes Ur a part of which I thank caz u ver like a motivation. So SAHM today is what I feel was good that it happened else I would never really enjoy what I am doing right now HowHacks 😉
Hahahaha! More power to you, Flavia!
I’m not a mother but I have seen SAHM, Some are happy to stay at home some are not. Everyone is different. Your reasons are great…
Yup, it’s how you look at it, Moni!
Earlier I cried n frustrated for being at home. But now after being SAHM I am happy. I find my passion for writing. I used to read a lot since my first baby born. I am able to develop my self as a human being.
That’s great, Neeta! More power to you!
Very well written article. Totally relatable. Your each point is true. But in my case it’s different. Me and my hubby both are freelance website developer and work from home. So I have to spare time for my son, my work, my in-laws etc. At the end unable to save time for myself. That’s my life 😍
As long as you are enjoying it, Meenakshi! All the best!
Please write on how to write Blogs for different websites.
Look for websites that allow you to post your work, like Momspresso and Parentune and all. All the best, Sonu.
Wow Cindy you have really given us the reasons to be a stay at home mom so clearly in ten points. Whether to stay at home or to work is a choice that every woman should make for herself. No one should force her to do either. I’m glad you were able to do what you wanted and are happy with it!
Thanks, Brinda!
I totally agree with every point, Cindy. Pat yourself on the back. If you plan to have kids then devote time to them. Before you know they will be leaving the nest and flying. I would not like to miss any milestone in their lives. My son would usually ask me about the galaxy, stars, space and so on. I am not saying that all can do it. But if you have the option then SAHM or WFHM
Hmmmm perhaps after the past decade I can call myself a WFHM! Thanks, Harjeet!
Cindy, some of what you’ve written is like, ‘you spoke my words.’
In my case, I didnt quit work becuz of Aarna, I used to till she was 2, I quit cuz I wanted to quit… couldn’t take the corporate nonsense anymore and before it made me mad, I decided to leave. But I don’t regret it at all.
I adorn the hat of stay-at-home mom some seven years ago, I wouldn’t lie that sometimes I miss the adrenaline rush of targets or meeting new people every day but when it comes to the positives of SAHM the decision seems to be one of the best ones. I couldn’t agree more with you about a healthy lifestyle and proper food preparation does take a lot of time 🙂
Glad you agree with me, Kavita! High five!