It was a lovely movie. A ‘breath of fresh air’, ‘poignant’ or ‘delicate’ as some friends said. I found it a little dull because I rarely watch movies and when I do, I normally want some kind of twist in it. Perhaps, it’s because I love thriller types more? Even romcoms need to have a little surprise element to make them interesting to me. Nevertheless, keeping my reviews of ‘Three of Us’ aside, what caught my attention in this movie was the scene when the man asked his blushing wife ‘when was the last time she was this happy with HIM?’ which took me to another zone altogether.
Love or arranged; marriages are made in heaven, they say. The coming together of two souls is pre-registered in heaven. And whether we fall in love with our spouses before or after we’re married to them, is apparently irrelevant. What’s relevant is how we treat, respect and make our marriage work; and how we keep the love in it alive! But, as haughty humans, what do we really do? When the initial lust sizzles out, we take for granted that all is well and our spouses are fine. So, we keep ourselves busy taking care of everything else but our marriage.
In the movie, due to her onset of dementia, her husband respectfully accompanies her to her childhood village (which he is unaware of until then). He silently escorts her wherever she wants to go. We can see that their relationship has the friendship and positivity required for two people to stay together, but when he asked her that question, it showed that both, due to a busy life, let the love and intimacy in their marriage take a backseat. Somewhere down the line, those initial lovey-dovey joyful moments that were spent in laughter, happiness and love, were forgotten.
Likewise, when other things or other people become a priority, we begin to start taking things for granted. We start taking our spouse for granted. And we eventually start taking our love and marriage for granted when…
Generally, with time, every relationship reaches a state of saturation (I mean we are living with the same person under the same roof for YEARS). So, if we don’t work on keeping it interesting, it fails. We begin to think we know our spouses, and there’s nothing new to be excited about. We assume that our spouses know us enough to know what we want, think or feel every time. Or we think that we are doing everything right (because there is no complaint from our spouses), so, if anything does go wrong, we take for granted that it’s only our spouses who are to blame. But, are they the only ones to blame?
Like in this movie, when Pradeep enters the scene, Shailaja’s husband notices the smile and excitement on her face. She has that glow of happiness like a teenager in love. In this situation, it is very easy for him to blame her for ‘not being happy like that with him’, but is it only her who is to be blamed for this?
Here are the consequences of taking our love and marriage for granted:
Besides following a few tips to stay happily married, below are some things that we could AVOID doing in order to keep our relationships respectful and strong:
Yes, sometimes we need to know what not to do, too. Many of us are up to our necks with work, want for power and running the race of life. But what we forget is that in the end only family matters. And the love in our marriage, being the core of that family, should be given topmost priority.
It is very easy for us to think of other people who make us laugh for a while or show us some love when outside the house but remember that people can be different inside their houses. People can change when we start living with them. So, be aware.
Instead, let us try and respect the love we have and trust the sacrament of marriage. A marriage can only work when both parties are stubborn enough to stay together (with good intentions). Let’s not take for granted the love we have because there are so many people who are still searching for it, in vain.
(I know, I know, I sound like an elderly person giving advice but trust me, this blogpost is also written after an experience which I’m not at liberty to divulge at the moment.)
Photo by Rocsana Nicoleta Gurza.