When you leave the comforts of your mother’s home and get out into the world to live alone, live in an open relationship or get married, life is completely different. Sometimes, you start wondering why the hell you took the decision of moving out. And when the people around you do not make an effort to make you comfortable with your new surroundings, life becomes hell.
If you have a messy house, you are told you are no good a mother. If you teach your kids to clean up after themselves, you are a lazy mother. If you’re child cries because he is hungry, you are told you are starving him. Sometimes you may feel like a vamp and continue doing what you are doing OR you may just give in and feel like a robot because people force us to feel guilty all our lives:
So, peoplings, I know it is very difficult to ignore how people make you feel. But, unless it’s a mortal sin, don’t let them make you feel guilty about something that can be easily forgotten. If someone is making you feel guilty about something trivial, it’s time to let them concentrate on other things in life instead, don’t you think? You are doing a good job handling your duties and I’m sure they are well aware of that.
Has this ever happened to you? Has someone constantly made you feel guilty about something? What was it? Come on let’s hear it!
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35 Comments
indeed! people are more busy in telling others what to do and how to live their lives.
We decided a long time ago to only do what we can and not bother about what we cannot.
only thing is to not engage in conversation with such people.
Cindy, you have written on a subject that everyone has been part of. People make others feel guilty and more do not provide with the solution, so I have stopped paying attention to such people.
Thanks Meenal & Sonal!
I agree with you, women have always been made to believe that they need to be perfect in everything, multitask, achieve everything never put herself as top priority. If they somehow don’t manage how to do it all then they are made to feel guilty. It needs to stop. Women aren’t supposed to be superwomen.
I think women are make to feel guilty at every level from the very beginning. It’s inbuilt in our social system. This needs to be changed. That’s thought provoking post.
I absolutely agree with all your points. There are people always around to make you feel guilty all the time no matter what. And you know I had also burnt my son’s feeding bottle 2-3times .
Hahaha good to know I’m not the only bottle burner!!!
All pointers are absolutely correct, we moms feel so guilty over small issues and create stress and unnecessary pressure for ourself. Its time to level up and think about ourselves positively for our own good.
Ultimately feeling guilty or taking it in our stride is up to us entirely. Very well-written post that is sharing an important message.
Reading your article I am reminded of some films line tension lena k nahi dene ka.. truly i believe in world there are two kinds of people. One who manipulate and the ones who get manipulated. Living in guilt is the trait of the second kind of person.
Yes! Agreed. People put pressure on why are doing so and so after becoming a mother and how you are nourishing your kids. I think it’s ok, mothers are humans too. She loves her family but she loves herself also. Phir judgemental kyu ho jate hai log?
Some people love poking their noses in other people’s lives..
I always love reading your perspective on such topics, I agree to the T with the points you have mentioned in the post. I am glad we are talking about this more and more, and making things normal for mothers to have a life other than just being a mother 🙂
True!
I loved this post! Across the globe guilt-conditioning is a parenting technique applied to all kids while they are being brought up. Its sad that this conditioning then allows them to be taken on guilt trips by their social circle. Extremely thought-provoking post! Thanks!
Rightly said we must stop feeling guilty when we are not upto societies benchmark , rather we should set our own standard .
Such a thought provoking post and I loved the way you have narrated them… You know Cindy, i sometimes feel it is the conditioning from a very young age that leads us to this guilt trip… Girls are told you have to do xyz in particular ways, otherwise you are guilty… Then boys and in-laws are conditioned with certain kind of expectations from their wives and DILs… If it’s not as per their requirement, you are supposed to feel guilty… This has to change…
you are absolutely right.
Sending women on a guilt trip is the easiest way to pull them down without actually doing it. I’ve learnt to ignore such people as they’re extremely bad for our general well-being.
Absolutely. Problem is we learn it quite later in life.
One of my earlier boss had this knack making me feel guilty for something that may not be my responsibility or personal fault. It took me a while to understand his manipulative behaviour and that he was trying to cover up his insecurities and inadequacies. Agree with the pointers that you have shared!
yes i do recall one of my bosses telling me to look busy even if I have finished my work. Lol!
I swear, I agree with these points. Sometimes people give you so much pressure and it’s wrong!! Loved the post and this need to be shared with all
People make us feel guilty in all walks of life by pointing fingers at us sometimes openly and sometimes subtly. The best way to handle this is to simply ignore it but that is not easy either and sometimes as you say we feel like punching people on the face.
As a new mother, I used to be under pressure but then I realized I have to power of choice. Power to weight my options, get priorities right and work on. Other’s opinion is their choice and I have learned to set boundaries now. It works for me.
I believe in my choices and that I have exercised them with full awareness. Hence I never felt guilty working or traveling leaving my kid behind. Only since I have had twins, have I felt stretched and therefore sometimes guilty. But I have never given anyone else the c power to make me feel guilty. And I am happy about that.
wow that’s great!!!
You know cindy you always touch upon something which is so real. I can so very relate to this but in these years I have learnt to be indifferent to these things though some times it does affect. But I think we should give it a damn.
Your points are great. Pressured or not guilt is there.
So true and very well put. Women are often judged and feel pressurized due to so many factors. However I have reached the stage where I give a damn to any one’s comments and live the way I want.
Yes I had seen most of these conditions in our society when people make you feel guilty about so many things. Personally many time people taunt me to not be in touch while they do same. I try to ignore these kinds of negative people and try to focus on things that makes me actually happy.
Outer pressure becomes really bad sometimes. And once that pressure comes to a saturation, the inner struggle starts. I am lucky to not to face any such pressure.
So rightly put. I used to be the same, judge mothers so quickly because kids these days are so notorious and quick to answer you back that sometimes I just feel angry on them for being so ill-mannered but slowly i realized it’s just how it is with the new generation.. and not about how they are brought up. Also, reading many similar mothers blogs I have realized my mistake and now my perspective have changed. Thanks for sharing this. It helps youngsters like me to understand and broaden our perspective.
No dear. Letting us moms have some free time does not mean we let our kids do whatever they want and turn into ill mannered kids. That is definitely NOT what I meant. Kids have to be moulded at their homes by their parents. It is our duty to bring up honest and respectable human beings. We cannot blame the new generation for being notorious without blaming the people who are bringing them up. But this is indeed a good topic to write on.
I absolutely agree with your points here, women are unnecessarily going under so much societal pressure for eons. It is time with education and keeping the foot down, we start the change. This is a must-read post