INNER FEELINGS – THINKING HOW PEOPLE FORCE US TO FEEL GUILTY ALL OUR LIVES

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INNER FEELINGS – THINKING HOW PEOPLE FORCE US TO FEEL GUILTY ALL OUR LIVES

PEOPLE FORCE US TO FEEL GUILTY

When you leave the comforts of your mother’s home and get out into the world to live alone, live in an open relationship or get married, life is completely different. Sometimes, you start wondering why the hell you took the decision of moving out. And when the people around you do not make an effort to make you comfortable with your new surroundings, life becomes hell.

If you have a messy house, you are told you are no good a mother. If you teach your kids to clean up after themselves, you are a lazy mother. If you’re child cries because he is hungry, you are told you are starving him. Sometimes you may feel like a vamp and continue doing what you are doing OR you may just give in and feel like a robot because people force us to feel guilty all our lives:

  • HANDLING EVERYTHING – There are several 2-minute jobs to do all day, even at work, so, when someone tells you to do something because it would only take you 2 minutes, don’t you want to punch them for making you feel guilty about not doing it? After I left, my ex-company employed 3 people to handle the work I was doing alone.
  • IDEAL CHILD – This one is something many of our parents or in-laws make us feel guilty about. Some of the instances are, if you are not doing as they say, or if you are not massaging their head or if you don’t wash all the utensils/cutlery every hour or if you have a cook instead of struggling to cook yourself. Aren’t there times when you have given in and stressed yourself doing all the above only because you have been told that the other child is better than you?
  • ME TIME – After you are a mom, home is definitely a top priority. But does it mean you cannot go around it and follow your passion?  Does it mean that you cannot take some time out to relax or get a massage? But, people do make us feel guilty for wanting a couple of hours away from the regular ‘duties’; especially if you have kids to leave behind in someone else’s care. Let me tell you how I managed my time because I had no nanny to sit with my daughter during my dance class. I would pack her lunch in a tiffin box, pick her from playschool, park her pram in the corner so she could sit in it and have her lunch while I attended my belly dance class for an hour. Women! Life is short, so, guilty as charged here!
  • NOT KEEPING IN TOUCH – Many people taunt you about not keeping in touch while they themselves do not do the same. You feel extremely guilty if something bad happens to the person and you are totally unaware of the same. Is this keeping in touch thing a one sided affair?
  • BURNING UTENSILS – Oh! Here too, I am totally guilty as charged. Many times, I have burnt to charcoal some of the best utensils I have had. Once I had burnt all my daughter’s milk bottles and their fittings because I was sanitizing them in boiling water. While I was in the kitchen, my daughter called out to me, so, I went to check on her and got busy, completely forgetting about the utensil on the fire. I was lucky the house didn’t burn down. People will call you an absent minded mom but while learning from this incident and being more careful the next time, don’t let them make you feel guilty about those burnt bottles.
  • OFFICE WORK – Oh this is something most of us can relate to whether we are a father or a mother. If you are a father, your wife has surely taunted you about not spending enough time with the kids because you are a workaholic. And, if you are a mother, your husband or in-laws have certainly made you feel guilty about working and neglecting the kids. Am I right or am I right?

So, peoplings, I know it is very difficult to ignore how people make you feel. But, unless it’s a mortal sin, don’t let them make you feel guilty about something that can be easily forgotten. If someone is making you feel guilty about something trivial, it’s time to let them concentrate on other things in life instead, don’t you think? You are doing a good job handling your duties and I’m sure they are well aware of that.

Has this ever happened to you? Has someone constantly made you feel guilty about something? What was it? Come on let’s hear it!

PEOPLE FORCE US TO FEEL GUILTY
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Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva, besides being a mother of two angels, is a belly dancer, writer and photographer. She loves partying, bowling and eating sushi. There is a detailed biography about her on the ABOUT ME page in case you would like to know more. :)You can like and follow her Facebook page to get all updates on the latest blogs and more: https://www.facebook.com/blogaberry/

19 Comments

  1. Such a thought provoking post and I loved the way you have narrated them… You know Cindy, i sometimes feel it is the conditioning from a very young age that leads us to this guilt trip… Girls are told you have to do xyz in particular ways, otherwise you are guilty… Then boys and in-laws are conditioned with certain kind of expectations from their wives and DILs… If it’s not as per their requirement, you are supposed to feel guilty… This has to change…

  2. Varsh says:

    Sending women on a guilt trip is the easiest way to pull them down without actually doing it. I’ve learnt to ignore such people as they’re extremely bad for our general well-being.

  3. One of my earlier boss had this knack making me feel guilty for something that may not be my responsibility or personal fault. It took me a while to understand his manipulative behaviour and that he was trying to cover up his insecurities and inadequacies. Agree with the pointers that you have shared!

  4. Ruchi Verma says:

    I swear, I agree with these points. Sometimes people give you so much pressure and it’s wrong!! Loved the post and this need to be shared with all

  5. People make us feel guilty in all walks of life by pointing fingers at us sometimes openly and sometimes subtly. The best way to handle this is to simply ignore it but that is not easy either and sometimes as you say we feel like punching people on the face.

  6. As a new mother, I used to be under pressure but then I realized I have to power of choice. Power to weight my options, get priorities right and work on. Other’s opinion is their choice and I have learned to set boundaries now. It works for me.

  7. I believe in my choices and that I have exercised them with full awareness. Hence I never felt guilty working or traveling leaving my kid behind. Only since I have had twins, have I felt stretched and therefore sometimes guilty. But I have never given anyone else the c power to make me feel guilty. And I am happy about that.

  8. You know cindy you always touch upon something which is so real. I can so very relate to this but in these years I have learnt to be indifferent to these things though some times it does affect. But I think we should give it a damn.

  9. Neha Jain says:

    Your points are great. Pressured or not guilt is there.

  10. vartika says:

    So true and very well put. Women are often judged and feel pressurized due to so many factors. However I have reached the stage where I give a damn to any one’s comments and live the way I want.

  11. Yes I had seen most of these conditions in our society when people make you feel guilty about so many things. Personally many time people taunt me to not be in touch while they do same. I try to ignore these kinds of negative people and try to focus on things that makes me actually happy.

  12. Alpana Deo says:

    Outer pressure becomes really bad sometimes. And once that pressure comes to a saturation, the inner struggle starts. I am lucky to not to face any such pressure.

  13. So rightly put. I used to be the same, judge mothers so quickly because kids these days are so notorious and quick to answer you back that sometimes I just feel angry on them for being so ill-mannered but slowly i realized it’s just how it is with the new generation.. and not about how they are brought up. Also, reading many similar mothers blogs I have realized my mistake and now my perspective have changed. Thanks for sharing this. It helps youngsters like me to understand and broaden our perspective.

    • No dear. Letting us moms have some free time does not mean we let our kids do whatever they want and turn into ill mannered kids. That is definitely NOT what I meant. Kids have to be moulded at their homes by their parents. It is our duty to bring up honest and respectable human beings. We cannot blame the new generation for being notorious without blaming the people who are bringing them up. But this is indeed a good topic to write on.

  14. I absolutely agree with your points here, women are unnecessarily going under so much societal pressure for eons. It is time with education and keeping the foot down, we start the change. This is a must-read post

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