WHY HELPING KIDS UNDERSTAND THEIR EMOTIONS IS IMPORTANT FOR THEIR MENTAL HEALTH
Just the other day I was reading an anthology of stories written by kids. Their stories were amazing but a couple of author introductions (written in first person) were heartbreaking. These 10-13 year olds spoke about having depression and anxiety. While it is good to see that they are aware of their mental health, I think we, as parents, need to do our best to make sure our kids don’t suffer like this at least at this age.
Last year, my 6-year-old came home and told me that he hated school (Hate is a strong word). Why? Because this huge guy in class pushes my son around for being puny. I told him that his classmate’s behaviour could be caused due to various things like parental negligence, older sibling bullies, excessive screen time, etc. This helped him understand that his classmate could also be sad and was trying to express himself in various ways (wrong or right). My little information surely helped because that bully is now his friend.
And now with the new trend where everyone says this fancily – ‘I did that. I’m such an idiot!’ – in that oh-so-annoyingly dramatic way. Some children may say it as a fad. But some actually believe that they are not good enough. Like my son made a mistake the other day and said this in front of me. I told him that everyone makes mistakes, so I did not want him to call MY SON such names again because he’s a good boy. He was a little confused, but then understood and smiled. Again, he wouldn’t have been able to work that out without my guidance, now would he?
My point is that children need their parents to guide them with everything, especially emotions and mental health (the most avoided topics in history).
Besides the pressures to fit into friend circles, eventually marry or take over the family business, kids deal with a lot. We should learn the problems that our children are trying to deal with and what are the possible reasons for their declining mental health.
It is important for us to help our kids with their negative emotions because kids with emotional intelligence are:
*Less likely to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression and are better equipped at handling stress and frustrations.
*Likely to have positive relationships with their parents, siblings, other family members, peers and teachers.
*Able to make sound decisions however small the situation.
*Mostly able to solve problems and handle challenges effectively.
*Able to control their negative emotions and bounce back sooner than those without.
We should set an example of handling our own negative emotions first. In front of them as well as with them. This is very important for the mental health of the whole family. For example, avoid simply yelling at your kids just because your spouse pissed you off. Another example, last night I was driving my kids to the supermarket on a quick errand and passed over a lake. Passing water in the dark freaks me out! I was almost going to say, “Shucks! This dark lake looks so scary and spooky at night”. But I stopped myself and thought about it. If I said what I felt out loud to THEM, I would just be transferring my fear onto them (like it happened with cockroaches already). Before that, my daughter would pick up an insect and show it to me. Ewww! But then as I unknowingly transferred my fear onto her, she in turn transferred the same to her brother and now all of us scream at the sight of a cockroach.
We can acknowledge and help our kids identify their emotions instead of shushing them or telling them not to get angry, not to think that way, not to feel that way, etc. My son (now 7) got home last week and told me that a classmate told him that his older brother called my son a bad word. My son was very angry about this which I felt was a tricky situation as it involved his classmate’s family. However, instead of asking him to ignore it and not be angry, I explained to my son that it was okay to be angry but also that we should not believe what others tell us about someone else, whether it is about their family member, friend or enemy. Especially when the information is something bad. My little one understood it and now that friend is his good friend.
We can teach them how to handle and overcome their emotions. For example, when my son cried (even at 3), many people told him not to because he was a boy. But, I told him that it was okay to cry and hug me until he felt better and calmed down even if I shouted at him for doing something wrong. Now, at almost 8 years, after he hugs me and lets it all out, he says that it does make him feel better. This activity has also helped strengthen our mother-son bond.
We can have comfortable conversations with them in order to make them feel comfortable enough to come to us in good times and in bad. It’s very important to listen to what they have to say before jumping to conclusions as soon as they begin speaking. My daughter seemed to be having issues with girls being nasty to her or making her feel bad about something or someone. The other day she said that one of her younger friends told her that a common coach had forgotten about her. I thought this was unnecessary information from the younger friend. And then that same girl doesn’t allow her to play with anyone else when in a group. I told my 11-year-old that some kids behave that way to put others down (mostly without realizing how the other would feel). Perhaps they are left too long by themselves to think stuff up. But then, I found a pattern. Most of the kids my daughter mentions happen to be single children (with no siblings).
So, I began recalling and explaining to her how she (my daughter) would behave before my son was born. My daughter didn’t know how to share her toys, she didn’t know how to play what others wanted to play, she would always be stubborn and want to play a particular game her way, she would get angry when others didn’t talk to her while their other friends were around, etc. She learned all about the above only once I intervened or after her brother was born. I told her that single children generally behave like this until their parents intervene or their siblings are born. But, if the parents are unaware or there are no siblings to automatically sort these issues out, these children tend to believe that what they are doing is not wrong. Children need guidance with mental health. They won’t know how to behave until they are shown how to. That’s why listening and talking to them is very important.
Along with healthy conversations, we can also hug them and kiss them and appreciate their good deeds whenever possible. Telling them we love them regularly is also said to be good for their mental health.
Having said this, we should remember that emotional intelligence takes time and every child is different. It is also vital to spend quality time with your little ones, make them laugh, hug them and talk to them in order to notice some change in their mental health. This will help you understand how to go about helping them. Once they have emotional intelligence, they may further begin understanding why their friends could be behaving in a certain manner and help them improve their mental health, too. There is a plethora of good things that can come from this constant effort made by us parents.
So, let’s try mindful parenting to bring up children with high emotional intelligence and confidence instead of depression, anxiety and anger issues. Let us help our kids know that we believe in them and are there for them any day and anytime. After all, it’s not only about keeping our kids physically close, it’s also about trying our best to take care of their mental health.
This post is a part of Truly Yours Holistic Emotions Blog Hop by Rakhi Jayashankar and Roma Gupta.
This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter.
This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Dr. Preeti Chauhan.
Photo by Pixabay.
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82 Comments
“Your blog eloquently underscores the crucial role of helping kids understand their emotions for fostering robust mental health! 🧠💕 The insights on emotional intelligence and practical tips are invaluable for parents and educators alike. Thank you for emphasizing the importance of nurturing emotional well-being in our younger generation. A must-read for anyone invested in the holistic development of children! 🌈👶
A well-articulated article emphasizing the crucial role parents play in nurturing children’s emotional intelligence. The personal anecdotes and practical tips provide valuable insights into fostering a healthy mindset. Kudos to the author for addressing the importance of acknowledging and guiding kids through their emotions, contributing to their mental well-being. This piece serves as a thoughtful guide for mindful parenting in nurturing emotionally intelligent and confident children.
This article underscores the crucial role of teaching kids to understand their emotions for their mental health. It’s an essential read for anyone looking to foster emotional intelligence in children.
Being in a world driven by digital and divergent technologies brings in ample worries along with the positivities and most importantly our little ones need extra care and advice to understand and resonate empathy both by understanding the acting upon their emotions and that avoids a major havoc in their respective life. Your blog gave a detailed walkthrough for Kids and taught them to understand emotions.
The most important thing for me personally is “Spending time together” and minimizing the screen time. comforting and physical touch are always better ways of assurance to kids. Appreciation is also the best way to boost the self confident and to provide a unique impact on the child’s emotion.
Handling one’s emotions has assumed a lot of importance in these times when lives have become stressful and extremely competitive. Children need to be trained to handle emotions quite early on so that as they grow up, they can understand their emotions better and manage them with equilibrium..
Kids and their mental health are intertwined in a delicate dance, where nurturing support and understanding provide the foundation for emotional resilience and well-being. By fostering open communication and cultivating a supportive environment, we empower children to navigate life’s challenges with courage and confidence.
Such a heartfelt piece! The emphasis on setting an example and acknowledging children’s emotions resonates deeply. The practical tips on handling negative emotions and fostering open conversations make it a comprehensive guide for parents.
It is very relatable and still trying to understand and educate my sons emotions and especially making him understand how to deal with others too. It is every parents responsibility to understand and deal wisely with Kids emotions. The points you have mentioned are so educating and will help a lot of moms..
Thanks, Karen. More power to you!
Very enlightening post, indeed. You have described the issue very carefully. It is really important to teach our kids to handle their emotions carefully . I guess if we treat them well and understand their problems, the situation can definitely be managed.
True, Pamela!
Cindy! That is a sweet post, You know what parents talking about emotions helps children be emotionally strong and also let out the right emotions when they need to express themselves and this has something to do with love and parenting becomes better with open conversations.
Thanks, Sivaranjini!
What weapons you’ll hold at the sight of cockroaches!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I feel its important to listen, to understand and think before telling, when it comes to parenting, something which I try and best points. which I got to know through ur post.
My daughter has a fear of other classmates bullying her and giving her orders over a few weeks I have told her ‘you have to learn to stand up for yourself. Don’t let others rule ur life’… and her teacher told me a few days back that she doesn’t let anyone take over her, she ensures she tells them that only teachers have the right to correct me or tell me what to do.
Wow that’s a great improvement, Flavia. Yes, it is important to sit calmly and talk to them.
In our times, children were supposed to be seen and not heard. People were not aware of mental health in adults either. Kids need to be guided on how to deal with things in a way they understand. I love the way you handled it with your daughter. God bless.
Thank you, Madhu. I try my best.
Your all tips are really useful. It is really important to teach our kids to handle or express their emotions. My daughter is short tempered and it took me almost year to minimise. But the quality is transferred from me offcourse so I am changing myself and helping her too. Children learn from observing us and absorb our qualities.
True, Neeta. We all need some adjustments in our lives. More power to you!
You have raised an important issue. Nowadays when parents are busy with their work, kids are dealing with various pressures. It’s important to take care of their mental health at this initial stage of life so that they are capable of handling their emotions in the future
It’s true mental health is a priority
It should be a priority. You raised an important topic to ponder over. Children’s feelings should be heard by parents to protect their mental wellness
Will definitely share your article
Thank you, Kriti!
Dear Cindy.. It is very informative to parents. I am too a parent of 3 year kid. & Now I understand how to guide him, more than I am decided to spent more time with him…
Glad to have helped, Krishna!
Helping kids navigate their emotions is crucial for their mental health. It lays a foundation for emotional intelligence and resilience.
In the era, where world is busy doing a lot of things but forgetting the mental health. It becomes worse when it comes to children. It should be a priority. You raised an important topic to ponder over. Children’s feelings should be heard by parents to protect their mental wellness. They may feel outcasted, if not noticed.
True, dear.
It is absolutely essential for children to have their parents guide them in every aspect of their lives, including their emotional health. It helps to solve and avert major problems they may face in life. This is a very comprehensive article. Thanks for share.
My pleasure, do share it with others too, Ranjeeta! Thanks.
Children nowadays are growing up in a totally different environment than ours. They are immediately exposed to the ideas of freedom of speech, voicing out their emotions, and asking for help when needed, unfortunately, this also comes with what the negative effects of technology to our society which is to bring us apart from each other. How many families nowadays don’t talk even when being under the same roof every evening? How many parents nowadays only see their children when they are sleeping already? It is so unfortunate that it is in this time and age both of those circumstances/way of living is prevalent. If we aren’t mindful enough of our actions, our children/ the next generation would be at total lost of who they are, what they want, and where do they seek help from.
So well written, Cindy. I agree with you completely. If kids are taught to handle their emotions from the very beginning, they will be able to deal with the emotional challenges of life in a much better manner.
Thank you, Jaishree!
I absolutely agree with all your tips, Cindy and u backed them up with your personal experiences. I followed the same with my kids but sadly there are very few parents these days who spend quality one-to-one time with their kids and set bad examples with heads buried in their mobiles while the child is talking.
True, Harjeet, I can see that around me.
Your blog beautifully captures the essence of parenthood, highlighting the importance of creating a nurturing environment that allows children to express themselves and navigate the world at their own pace. Thank you for sharing such valuable perspectives. Your blog is not just a source of inspiration but a guide for parents, reminding us to embrace the journey of parenthood with compassion and understanding. Looking forward to more insightful reads!
Thank you, Rose. I try my best with as much as I can.
I do understand the feeling of listening to that “I am not good at this” from our child. We are actually having more comfortable conversations and trying to keep our child motivated as much as possible. This post has come at the perfect time when I need this. Thanks you for such amazing points.
You’re welcome, Pooja!
good tips and so important. kids are unpredictable and it is so important to understand their behavior and emotions and help them really manage themselves as they grow up.
This kind of awareness is surely required by the parents in current times. This post is really important for the parents to be and the new parents.
Cindy this is such a needed post in times when kids are getting the most affected with conflicting emotions and don’t know how to react in situations in life. Parents play a key role in helping kids deal with various feelings and emotions, providing them safe haven to vent out, and to feel light after sharing thigs. Especially when kids are at the cusp of being a small child, to being a pre-teen and then going on to be a teenager and adult eventually. Mental health of kids is even more important today when kids are taking drastic steps when they dont have a strong support system at various stages of their childhood.
I really admire the time you took the patience of explaining the concept of single child and the difference between how parents with siblings are brought up and the ones who dont have siblings.
Yeah, Sukaina, this is my observation so tried explaining to them that those could be the possibilities. Thank you so much!
I think acknowledging their emotions as big emotions takes the cake! It’s easy to dismiss and carry on with our work. Investing time as a parent is one of the best gifts for raising mentally healthy kids.
True, Prisha!
You are right Cindy, parents play huge role in transferring the good and the bad or fears. Children unconsciously react to situation and sometimes their extreme expression also doesn’t mean what they feel. We need to make sure that their thoughts are clearly listened that will make also understand their True emotion behind it.
As you said we need to be role model first to help them understand emotions. Looking upto us and learning from us will be one of the easiest way to teach them
That’s true, Sindhu. That’s what I’ve learnt in the past few years.
I like that you have used personal anecdotes to add strength to your tips. Children are definitely more emotionally vulnerable than adults and it is entirely up to us as parents to make them emotionally resilient. I think you’re doing a wonderful job Cindy.
Thank you, Noor.
Your comprehensive post beautifully highlights the significance of nurturing emotional intelligence and mental well-being in children. It effectively emphasizes the need for parents to guide their kids through their emotional experiences and help them understand and manage their feelings. The examples and suggestions shared here are practical and insightful, offering a valuable roadmap for parents to foster a supportive environment for their children’s mental health. Such efforts are indeed essential in shaping confident and emotionally resilient individuals. Thanks for sharing these thoughtful insights!
Well said Cindy. Helping kids understand their feelings is crucial for their happiness. As parents, we guide them through tough emotions, making them resilient and empathetic. It’s our duty to nurture their mental health, ensuring they grow with confidence, not depression. Let’s be their support and show them they’re loved every day.
Thanks, Abha!
Kids are like sponges and tend to pick up behavior (particularly negative ones) quite instantly. Kids are emotional beings too but are expected to brush off things and move on. I have read quite a few of your parenting posts and your strong belief in leading by example. It is indeed the best way to go.
Thanks, Ritu!
Thats a great example of new age parenting Cindy. giving and teaching kids to show space, respect and empathy towards everyone around them, young and adult alike is very important and a life long lesson.
Thanks, Ujjwal!
Hats off to you, Cindy for handling your kids so efficiently. We should be the parents who can understand the smallest deviation in the child’s behaviour and tackle that wisely. Children should have a stress-free childhood and a little help from parents can make it possible. .
True, Aditi!
What a fantastic post, Cindy. Thank you for explaining very aspect while sharing your personal experiences. We didn’t talk about parenting when we spent so much time together. I would have learnt a lot from you.
I think we would have had agreed on a lot. Anyway, hope to see you soon, again, Aesha!
You have come up with some very good points. Your words emphasize the importance of nurturing children’s emotional well-being. Your experiences and insights on guiding children through their emotions and mental health are both touching and valuable. Your commitment to setting an example, acknowledging their feelings, teaching them how to handle emotions, and fostering open, comfortable conversations reflects a deep understanding of the significance of emotional intelligence.
Communication is the key for building any relationship. I loved how you dealt with your son and made him understand how the negative thoughts and emotions are going to affect our psyche in a detrimental way. This is such a vast topic and deep philosophy but you have made it into as simple a topic that is easily comprehensive to the kids.
Yes, Rakhi, it’s simple but life makes it impossible to implement.
Cindy, your post about why as parents we need to understand our children’s emotions and help them deal with them in a healthy way makes a lot of sense and is very well-researched. The examples from your life underline how little things can make a huge impact on our children’s mental health and why it is important to make them comfortable enough to share their problems and listen to them. It just needs a few extra hugs and minutes every day to help them feel safe and loved.
True, Preeti, I’m glad you agree.
Useful tips and lessons in mindful parenting. I belong to a generation where we observed while growing up and imbibed values, but for today’s kids, everything has to be spelt out. And yes, we need to be vigilant and talk and know everything happening around them as many children lead complicated lives.
We observed, Janaki, but many kids from our generation also needed that help they did not recieve. It’s only now that we are spelling it out for our kids in order for them to understand and not repeat what happened to some of our fellow mates back when we were young.
That was a very good example you gave your child, Cindy. It’s really heartening to know he is now friends with the big bully. I just say that your kiddo worked as per your guidance and this is the first step to feeling confident and capable. Listening and hugging and appreciating are such an important aspect of growing up in a good manner. Your points are very valid.
Thanks, Ambica. I try my best to explain things that were weird to talk to our parents about when we were kids.
Wow Cindy, loved the way you support your young ones. So relatable. This is a helpful post for young mother. Emotional Wellness begin at young age and it takes courage to first look inwards then restrain passing on any dysfunctional behavior, to pause reflect and respond to the daily situations. It not always possible to get it right as life happens, but if parents have the intent then we can create an environment where children grow up with a high EQ and not just a high IQ. Bravo!
Thanks, Sakshi.
A very worthy post Cindy, children understand really well when we guide them properly and like you said leading by example is most beneficial for them as they learn the most by observing
True, Roma. Thanks for this opportunity!
Cindy, I was waiting to read your post. I always feel motivated and uplifted after reading your blog posts because they have such positive vibes and your personal accounts make them even more profound. One of the points, acknowledging children’s emotions is so important but very few can understand this. I hope my parents would know and understand it well, I really hope more parents value their children’s emotions.
Sadly, Swarnali, in our time, many parents couldn’t (due to various reaons) understand their own mental state so it wasn’t surprising that they weren’t aware of how to handle ours, right? But yes some of our parents did guide us in some direction that helped us.
By the way, it’s so lovely to see your compliments. Thank you so much!
One thing I always think about is ‘how were we brought up?’ we turned out fine but these days parenting is sooooo difficult. There are so many aspects that parents have to consider n be mindful n sensitive about.
Its so nice that you chose this topic to write about Cindy… its relevant and much needed. I esp. like the last point… ‘listen, hug, kiss, appreciate’
We turned out fine, Kaveri, (physically) but many of us went through a lot of unwanted mental health issues. While some of us were strong enough to handle them, few of us thought of attempting suicide and running away from home because we didn’t know how to speak to our parents. Whether they would understand, whether they wound yell at us, get angry with us. We didn’t know. Some of us still don’t and are afraid to talk to our parents about many things … the things that I want my kids to talk about to me whatever come may.
parents like you are blessings for a child and lucky are your kids to get the right guidance and understanding about observing life. Its the responsibility of the parents to understand the emotions of the child with care and educate them about ways respect and understand other emotions equally. God bless you Cindy for being a wonderful parent
Thanks, Samata, I try my best.
Cindy, your experience is so relatable! Last year, my daughter went through something similar at school, and I ended up giving her almost the same advice. It’s amazing how just a little empathy can turn a tough situation into a new friendship. Your story shows how we can teach our kids to be kind and look beyond the surface. While there are moments when I feel angry, I do acknowledge and express it to them. And yes, teaching kids to understand their emotions—it’s like giving them a life superpower! Helps them deal with stuff better and build stronger bonds.
True, Anjali. Yeah, after reading you post, I understood what I was doing was right. Thank you for enlightening me! 😉