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A year ago, my daughter turned three and she was well trained to use the commode. I told myself that I was done with diapers. Amazon made a lot of money, out of me, for three years and now it was enough. I did not have to order diapers anymore or nappies for that matter. I was genuinely happy. She would play by herself and did not insist that I entertain her the whole day. Also, I had just begun a new dance form and was enjoying it for various reasons. I was getting more ‘ME’ time. But then, I found I was pregnant again and that I had already completed my first trimester. Everything changed overnight; the way my husband looked at me, my daughter’s happiness, my confused state of mind and the way I treated my body.

I took a break from dancing because I couldn’t shake much with the growing belly. A few months later, I delivered a day before my due date and it was a boy. I did not know how to take care of boys, nevertheless, I had to. I’ve grown up to know that boys are extremely tough to handle. They are not only rough but dangerously daring too. My own brother was a riot. The energy and strength, he had to expend, exhausted my mother. I imagined all that I would have to go through now. I wasn’t sure if I was ready so I decided to take it as it goes. He was already demanding more than I could supply.

When my daughter came to see her brother, suddenly, I saw her to be this child who looked all grown up. I wondered if she grew overnight. I couldn’t remember her being so tall and mature. Was she always like that or did she get like this after her brother was born? Weirdly, she was no more my cute little baby. She was a big girl.

My recently set time-table went all hay-wire. Though I had expected the sleepless nights, it was still a bit tiring as it was challenging to wake up, on time, in the mornings to send my daughter to school. To my luck, my son would get hungry just when I had to wake up, wake her up or drop her to the school bus-stop. That was, unexpectedly, a marathon I had started running, at sunrise, while my husband enjoyed a good sleep till late morning with several excuses for his late nights.

The adjustment by my daughter saddened me the most, as we were used to being with each other all day and night. It was tough on her to share my attention. At times, it made me cry inside because she would, all of a sudden, announce that nobody loved her. I couldn’t do much with my son in my lap. Of course, from the second month onward, I made it a point to continue all the kissing and hugging that she was entitled to. After all, she was my first. I happily avoided doing all the chores that could be done by someone else and concentrated on my first darling, while catering to my second darling’s needs when required.

Now-days, my heart does not only skip a beat but almost stops while the two of them are together. Sweet as it sounds; I cannot leave the two alone and enjoy a long bath or speak on the telephone. I couldn’t have a good bath even when my daughter was little but then it wasn’t scary. Now, I have to run out within five minutes flat because, sometimes, my daughter’s games are not appropriate for babies. At times, I enter the room and find a pillow on his face as they are supposed to be playing ‘hide and go seek’. She does her best to keep him busy while I try to do other things, so I cannot blame her but now, I’ve even kept the ‘hair washing’ of my lovely long locks for a time when my husband is home. Don’t even ask how rare that is!

It has only been four months and I’m still juggling through the various changes after having a baby, AGAIN. Now, once I put the two little monsters to bed, I lie down and feel the wind of change envelope me, in peace. How is it going for you, with your second one?

Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva, besides being a mother of two angels, is a belly dancer, writer and photographer. She loves partying, bowling and eating sushi. There is a detailed biography about her on the ABOUT ME page in case you would like to know more. :) You can like and follow her Facebook page to get all updates on the latest blogs and more:


  1. Shonali says:

    Nice. I felt this way for maybe a year after my second. Now he is 5 and i am ready to fly

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