A friend is someone who one knows, likes AND trusts. The latter being the most important of the three as friends are supposed to be the family we choose for ourselves. The people whom we trust around our loved ones. The people whom we feel safe with at any point of time in life. The people who we believe will protect us when the world is against us.
After Father left us, I barely knew what Mother went through. I wandered in my own innocent world. I witnessed a few friends coming forward to help her in every way possible and this made me think that the world was a wonderful place. But Mother would repeatedly insist that, in front of people, especially men, I behaved like a decent damsel and nothing more. I wondered why, because to me everyone had a good heart. If I wore pants and sat with my legs apart, her stern eyes would make me join them close. My guiltless mind would wonder why she kept penalizing me for every wrong posture; after all I wore clothes, so I couldn’t give anyone free shows.
Due to disturbing events of the past, I have always kept my distance from certain ‘uncles’ and ‘married’ men. Vaguely, I remember that I had been partially traumatized at around 3 when a ‘family friend’ inserted his fingers into my private part while my folks were busy with chores around the house. Till then they trusted him enough to sleep on the same bed as us while he stayed over. Those were the days when most of us lived in one bedroom apartments and sofas were not that comfortable to sleep on. Hearing me yell, my folks came running in as I screamed with pain and blurted out what I felt between cries. The next thing I saw was my dad thumping the ‘family friend uncle’ and pushing him out of the house. I never had to see that person again but the unpleasant feeling that came about around similarly profiled ‘uncles’ lingered long after.
More than half a decade later, financial situations led us to live with another ‘family friend uncle’ and his siblings for a few months. After we (Mother, little brother and I) moved into our own apartment upstairs, our family friends still looked out for us in case we required anything. Early one evening, while at work, Mother insisted I took an adult along with me, as she would be terrified with my bravery of strolling on the streets alone whenever I wanted to visit my school friend a few buildings away. I went to the ‘family friend uncle’ downstairs and asked him if he could drop me to my friend’s. After all, everyone in the family trusted him, didn’t they? He agreed and told me to wait until he got ready. I nonchalantly sat on the sofa and watched some television while I waited, patiently. All of a sudden, he came out, said something unimportant and before I knew it, I was being smooched, for two seconds.
At that moment, I did not have anyone to run to and neither did I have anywhere to run. I was stumped. In my shock, he dropped me and went back. I stood outside my friend’s door until I got myself together and could behave normal after that. I still remember him asking me not to tell on him or my Mother would yell at me. Scared, I kept shut. As I grew up, I realiZed it was just a way of getting away with something he had done wrong. Mother would’ve scratched out his eyeballs if she knew how he decided to insult the word ‘friend’. There would be fire between both families.
Similarly, many young children are bullied and molested when ‘family friends’ know how to persuade them! Believing that our own parents would not believe us, is the reason many a time similar instances go hidden. What disgusts me most is that, both these so called family friends’ have daughters. Don’t they have the slightest scare that karma could turn on their little princesses too? That someone somewhere could be molesting their offspring without their knowledge? That someone they trust could be betraying their friendship that very moment? Or are these some of those people with no conscience? Are they eligible to be anyone’s friend? What kind of a friend are you?
18 Comments
It’s the sad truth of being a human. Our instincts are very animal-type but a lot of terms have compartmentalized our thoughts and we decide to behave like ‘social’ animals with self-discipline. A lot of us are missing the analogy of ‘social animal’ to their convenience. It is not a disturbing read. I’d say- its a blog we must tell each other as often!
Many houses face such incidents within the friends family or even in their extended family. It is sad that the ones doing don’t think of their family or kids.
Saddest reality of life. Reading this gave me shudders and almost teary. Seriously why people do not think about their own daughters before doing this with other girls.
It is so sad. I remember these kinds of uncles while growing up and it wasnt a great situation. I can totally relate to this. Now it is time to make our children aware of these things so that they can avoid these lecherous kinds of people.
I felt so much anger and pain while going through the post. Isnt this every girl’s life? The experiences may vary but the impact is same. At the end of the day we are left traumatized.
I hope people are aware of their kids whereabouts so that they know exactly what they are up to and who they are with.
This is definitely so disturbing for me . I can feel this and relate this too. very nice write up.
It is very disturbing to read, and what you experienced is also disturbed me a lot. I can say that’s why parents told us don’t trust anybody. And be aware of the fact.
Yes, but the issue is that known people take advantage of this.
Horrifying incidents and these people should be shunned .Child abuse is a horrific crime and rarely do kids get the medical help they need to handle the severe PTSD
People with such mental thoughts do exist , but we all can be cautious and make our children learn about touch and assure kids that we will trust them no matter what.
True. Though my mom would listen to everything I told her, I still felt that she may not understand and perhaps blame me for whatever happened. It is so important to talk to the kids until they blurt out their inner feelings…
You are a strong girl Cindy. By sharing your experiences you try to illuminate the work of the bad deeds prevalent in our society. Kudos to you girl. Hugs n love..Roma
Thanks Roma. Do share it with mothers with daughters.
My emotions were on a roller coaster ride as I read both the incidences. Pathetic and shameless! How can people even think of doing something this this? Such creatures bring shame and disbelief in relations.
This is very disturbing but this is the reality. That’s the reason now kids are been taught good touch and bad touch at such early age. These kind of people have no conscience as they don’t even see the age while doing these Henious crime.
My heart skipped a beat while reading this post. It’s really sad to read about all this. And I can’t even imagine what girls going through such instances must be feeling.
I know this is sad but it happens with almost at some point with every girl!! I can so relate to this …