I know there are a lot of you who wonder how the above can be followed but, trust me, there are ways to go about it. Yes, living with too many people can be stressful too but you have to put your foot down at some point or just wait to LIVE your life only once you are OLD yourself. No one else, generally, can put your foot down for you!
- Try and avoid living with people you are not comfortable with: IF it’s stressing you out, avoid living with people who are expecting too much from you. You are not a robot who only serves people all their lives. Besides, your lifestyle may be way different from anyone else in the house. Observe and act. For example, living with your husband’s family can sometimes bring out a demon in you because you may not be like them and vice versa. Discuss with your husband and move to a separate house. It will not only allow you to have peace of mind and do your own thing, it will also improve the relationship between you and your in-laws. The less the interference, the less anyone is upset. IF you need to live with other people, try and get someone to cater to their needs so you are not obligated to be a waitress, caretaker, cook and doctor all day long. If they insist that you SHOULD be doing all the above for them, put your foot down. You cannot be FORCED to love and serve anyone. Likewise, anyone else who has to live with you should be taught to live independently and not keep depending on you for everything, unless they are kids, handicap or really, really, old.
- Stop trying to be miss-goody-shoes: Only bitches get their way so you have to be the bad one, once in a while. You cannot go on pleasing each and every person around you. Take charge of your life and do the things you love doing. Be smart. Be aware. Be you.
- Manage your time: Yes a lot of us go insane every now and then and it is not uncommon. Of course, as a first-time mother you feel like the most horrible of all if you try and discipline your child by yelling or being shrewd. But what can you do if you are ‘SUPPOSED’ to do everything around the house PLUS care for the kids and their needs? Right, put your foot down because we are in 2016! Let the husband take care of the babies while you schedule an appointment for some ‘ME TIME’. Whatever you do and however you do it, make time for yourself. Recently, I have started to make time to write, paint and dance despite my four year old and four month old kids. I am happy with the dance because I love dancing and that’s the only way I can stay in shape. The writing and painting is to focus on things other than poop, pee and puke.
- Sleep well: Recent studies show that women need more sleep than men because they multi-task a lot during the day, mentally and physically. Whenever you find time, sleep for a while or just lie down and rest so your body is refreshed and ready to run around some more. Don’t torture yourself beyond your limits or you may find yourself on the hospital bed way before it’s time. No, I’m not scaring you in any way.
- Eat well and eat right: There’s nothing more exciting than having a figure you love, at least for a woman like myself. Exercise is not the only thing you need to do to lose weight or stay in shape. Your eating habits matter too. You cannot tell the world you’re eating healthy and then eat once a day or munch on fried foods and potato chips or have a mountain of rice for dinner. Always the saying holds true ‘to gain something you have to lose something’. Eat small healthy foods five times a day especially fruits and vegetables (not dipped in gallons of oil) and you will reach your goal gradually but surely. I went on a healthy living spree and lost 8 kilograms in 3 months (and then I got pregnant and fat all over again but that’s a whole different story).
- Sometimes just let it go: Give yourself, and others, a break. If you don’t bathe one day, the streets won’t be lit up with smell sensors to penalize you. If your child wants to sleep in the middle of the day, let her, while you can get some sleep too. Don’t wake her up to eat or bathe just because it is time. Happy and hungry babies are way better than cranky and clean ones, any day. They need to rest too. So do you. If your baby wakes up in the night for his feed, feed him on your bed itself so you both fall asleep right after that rather than sitting or taking him into another room and rocking him back to sleep because there are high chances that you both would wind up crying or staring at the ceiling trying hard to get yourself into slumberland. In the nights, I step out of bed only to pee.
- Coping up with instructions: You have a lot on your plate already, right from caring for the kids to taking the dog for a walk. Some women are stressed because their husbands or in-laws emphasise on keeping the house sparkling CLEAN. Ask them to help with the cleaning because you were not born a maid and neither were they born as Lords. Just like they want to UNWIND, you should too. Help everyone be independent for small and silly things they can do by themselves.
- Stop babysitting adults: God has given you kids to take care off and raise good individuals, which is more than a handful already. Your husband was given to you to be by your side until death, and before that to share responsibilities that come with being married or having children. Maintain that or you will probably die of depression while he goes on to live a hundred years more with different wives to babysit him. Just like you have become a woman from the daddy’s girl that you were, he needs to become your man from the mommy’s boy that he was.
- Get in with the times: You don’t have to do all the things the modern way but use the new gadgets and innovations which have been designed to make your life easier. For eg. The use of diapers is looked down upon by some of the elderly as they believe it will give the baby rashes. Some say nappies have been used in the family for ages so they have to use them now too. It would be okay if the parents are total introverts or totally hard-working, but if it’s someone like me, I would go crazy washing nappies or maybe buy a hundred of them to avoid the daily washing. Even your baby would be stressed because either his nappy is wet every time he pees or you would be disturbing his sleep while changing him a hundred times.
- Discipline your kids: Correct your kids at home and they will behave in public. So you are not stressed or embarrassed in front of random people. Despite your friendliness with your kids, you should remind them that you are their mother. Don’t give in to every request, however sweet it may sound. Avoid doing each and everything FOR them however helpless you may think they are. Give them a few easy responsibilities around the house. Explain to them why certain things should not or should be done. Explain to them that you need time to do the things you love doing too just like they do things they love doing. Be strict but not harsh. Be stern with them at home, if required, but avoid public display of annoyance and ridicule. Don’t expect miracles from them. They are also humans, little ones. Also, take time and understand your child’s distress and see how you can calm him down accordingly. Whatever it takes, it’s worth it.
Please remember you are NOT a machine even though you may be a super mom. These are just a few pointers to help you look into the direction you are going. Either ways, even though you are a female, you have the right to be stress free and happy too, don’t you?
Do let me know what you think of this.