The days go by so quickly. And, we have very little time to do what we want and be with whom we love. So, why do we waste it on someone who is not fit to be by our side? Don’t we love ourselves enough to keep those negative elements absent from our lives?
The other day I realized that this character wasn’t helping me grow in any way. Though he was in my thoughts and affecting my emotions every single day, he was keeping me from thinking clearly. Even my day dreams and night dreams were about him. I would have nightmares about the way he was treating me. I had to think a hundred times before I did something related to him. His presence in my life horrified me. I dreaded his mere existence. Eventually, I also began questioning my family, my friends and my life. I knew that this wasn’t the way to live but I kept surviving with him in my life.
A few frail years passed with me being continuously supressed by him. I knew I couldn’t simply try and ignore him because that was just impossible. He was quite attached to me. And, I was weak enough to allow him to hold on to me. But, I had to do something about it.
A lot of painful thoughts later, I told myself that there was only one way to live peacefully. He had to get out of my life for good. And there was only one way I could make sure that he wouldn’t inadvertently seep into my life again. It was my final decision. If I loved myself, I had to kill him.
The plan was simple. I would call him to a lonely and dark place where he couldn’t see me and then get rid of him forever. But, sometimes, plans don’t go the way you want. They don’t work out exactly how they played out in your head. I panicked. The more he was in my presence, the more I got hesitant to carry out my plan. The more I got nervous, the more I took for granted that my strategy was never going to work.
Then one day, I changed. My ultimate goal remained the same but my strategy would be different. I decided to face him. And then kill him.
Finally, the day came when I collected myself and went to face him with a brave mind. He looked me in the eyes and I could feel my emotions building up in me. I could hear my heart beat faster than it ever did. I was terrified. I was scared. I thought I would almost faint with fright. But, I ignored all my feelings, braced myself and stood tall. I faced him and, at last, killed him.
Only then, was he (my fear) gone from my life forever.
Yes, it was fear that was bringing me down, turned me into someone else and did not let me live my life in harmony. I had to kill it before I chased my dreams and lived without negative thoughts in my life. I had to kill it if I loved myself. Like me, I’m sure many of you also harbour negative emotions like fear, hatred, grudges, etc. So, let me ask you one thing. Do you think life is long enough to fuel these emotions? Shouldn’t they leave you right now? Shouldn’t you kill them? Shouldn’t you start loving yourself and taking care of YOU?
After all, Valentine’s Special should be all about self-love first, shouldn’t it?