A tribute to Matthew Perry on his 3rd death anniversary
When I want to watch something light and funny, guess what my go-to sitcom is. Yes, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.. It’s a simple series where six friends hang around a coffee house (Central Perk), cracking jokes, chatting and pulling each other’s legs. Many episodes are so hilarious that even if I watch them regularly, I still laugh. Remember the ‘pivot’ episode? And along with laughter across those 200+ episodes, there’s one feeling we all experience: comfort. Do you agree?
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. also showed how comedy can make our stomachs hurt with little or no foul language. Phoebe’s character showed us that life can throw anything at us, but our reaction is our choice. She didn’t let negative opinions alter her true self. Each of them taught us how important it is to sometimes just chill with friends, though they did it all the time.
As individuals, they taught us that showing up is what we all must do. Jennifer Aniston went through a hard time with infertility and IVF herself during the filming of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.. Courteney Cox experienced a miscarriage during the episode where Rachel gives birth to Emma. Matthew LeBlanc dislocated his shoulder while Joey and Chandler raced for the armchair. David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow were overwhelmed with the sudden global fame. While David had to change how he interacted with the public, a harsh paparazzi experience led Lisa to realize that their private lives had changed forever. Also, due to her pregnancy, Lisa couldn’t travel to London (Ross’s wedding) and felt frustrated hearing the rest of the cast talk about it. Matthew Perry had a severe drug addiction and was in and out of rehabilitation centers time and again during those 10 years. Yet, despite their personal lives, they still showed up, did their job and made the world laugh. They gave us a sitcom we still enjoy to this day, decades later.
The acting was awesome. The expressions (especially Ross’s) were hilarious. The situations were mind-blowing. Imagine having your current girlfriend and the father of your high school sweetheart in the same room at the same time, while the father knows you are now the father of his daughter’s unborn child. Only the fans will know what I’m talking about. ;))
But F.R.I.E.N.D.S. wasn’t only a comedy show that made us laugh. It also made us think. It still makes some of us think. Because it boldly included some taboo topics that were against the rules. Rules of society. Rules of television. Rules no one else wanted to break.
In the 10 seasons between 1994 and 2004, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. just brought it out in the open and addressed the elephant in the room that no one dared to talk about. And, we laughed. Though in reality, these topics were taboo to even think about in the 90s, let alone boldly mention on public television.
In the 1990s, LGBTQ+ individuals faced legal discrimination, social stigma and harassment. Though same-gender intimate scenes are a little weird for me too, everyone knew that Chandler’s father became a woman and Ross’s first wife, Carol, married a woman. In fact, the show started with Ross going through a divorce because Carol found someone named Susan.
It may be a common thing now, but back in the 90s, very few people spoke openly about their emotions. We weren’t allowed to talk back or say things we thought were awkward, rude or stupid. But in the show, each of the characters was expressive about their feelings, whether the others liked, disapproved or felt weird about them. Whatever the consequence, everyone expressed their thoughts openly.
In a few episodes, all his friends ask Chandler to quit smoking so he doesn’t ruin his health. They actually act upon the warning that’s written on ALL cigarette boxes. In fact, everyone shows concern when Chandler gives in to the bad habit. I thought this was very bold indeed because many other shows would usually portray smoking as something cool, a part of heroism or a natural habit of a busy person (which I think should NOT be encouraged on public television).
Though now there are feeding rooms in many places, breastfeeding (in front of people) is still looked down upon. Till today, you will get weird looks if you decide to nurse your baby in public. In the famous sitcom, Carol openly feeds baby Ben. Not only does Ross tell Joey and Chandler that breastfeeding is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world, but Carol also answers a few questions on breastfeeding.
In the past, the tradition of a woman proposing to a man on February 29th (Leap Day) was called a Leap Year proposal, Ladies’ Privilege or Bachelor’s Day. These customs PERMITTED women to flip traditional roles and propose marriage ONLY on these days. But we all know that Monica proposed to Chandler, and we were overwhelmed. A few months ago, while heavily pregnant, I watched this scene and cried.
Nowadays, divorce is common; back in the day it was taboo to think, talk or encourage divorce, especially for older people with adult children. It was almost unheard of, even if one parent was unhappy, fed up or abusive. In F.R.I.E.N.D.S., except Monica and Joey, the rest were either divorced or products of divorced parents.
The mental health of the children of divorced parents was never brought out in the open. How without proper guidance, running from one home to another could hurt them, change them or sometimes break them.
Chandler, Rachel and Phoebe were victims of separated parents: some in their childhood, some in their adulthood. At whatever age, it troubled them that their parents were not together. Though he joked about it, Chandler was clearly affected by his parents’ divorce. Like he didn’t like Thanksgiving, he joked because he felt lonely, etc. Also, we see how Chandler handles Rachel when she’s upset that her parents have separated, only because he knew how horrible it felt.
Adoption is still looked down upon but is more common than it was in the 90s. Back then, there were very few adoption agencies. It was only in the late 90s when the USA legalized adoption for children in public foster care. Also, infertility was often viewed with personal embarrassment. But F.R.I.E.N.D.S. actually talks about both Monica and Chandler’s inability to have children of their own, openness to adopt and patience during the lengthy adoption process that followed.
Nowadays, people openly resort to surrogacy or IVF if they can afford it, but in the 90s, it wasn’t that common. IVF and surrogacy were met with deep skepticism; IVF was often labeled as ‘creating life in a dish’ or unnatural and surrogacy as ‘baby-selling’. Having a child from another woman’s womb? Please! Hence, many couples still kept their IVF journeys private. But in the famous sitcom, amid all the humour, Phoebe agrees to become a surrogate for her brother Frank and his wife Alice through IVF.
Like Ross said, why would a male want to be a nanny? Back in the day, men did not handle kids, whether it was theirs or someone else’s. Men ploughed the fields, carried heavy construction material or were doctors. Men did labour outdoors or were in charge in hospitals.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. normalized male nannies and nurses. Ross and Rachel’s male nanny also baked soft and yummy cookies. Chandler made fun of Rachel and Monica’s dates who were male nurses, but was tongue-tied when the male nurses casually told him they were doing the job to get into medical school.
Even though the characters openly discussed premarital s*x, contraception, and a hook-up culture (I still wouldn’t encourage), they made sure that the use of condoms for safe s*x was encouraged. Besides advertisements back in the day, no one spoke of using condoms. In one episode of the popular comedy series, they show Monica and Rachel in a dilemma about who would get the last condom kept in a bathroom drawer. The show also educated (or warned) Joey and many others that condoms were only 97% effective.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. was a massive cultural phenomenon and one of the most-watched television shows of the 1990s. Ultimately, it became a timeless classic not just because it gave us iconic catchphrases, cozy vibes and unforgettable laughs, but because it possessed the quiet courage to reflect a changing world. Behind the easy humor was a show unafraid to challenge societal norms, dismantle taboos and hold a mirror up to the complexities of adult life, all while its cast persevered through their own personal battles behind the scenes. Decades later, we return to the series for the comfort it offers as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. quietly broke ’90s TV rules. It proved that a sitcom could make our stomachs hurt from laughter while gently pushing our culture toward empathy, acceptance, and honesty.
Images from all over the internet/NBC
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Ratna Prabha.
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