When you’re young and enjoying life, you don’t think about settling down and having kids. For some of us, marriage was the last thing on our minds until we found someone we wanted to be with every day. Even then, we couldn’t imagine ourselves caring for little human beings or chasing them around the place.
But when I had my first child at 29, I realized the importance of having kids early and taking care of myself. Then, when the next one came at 33, I was exhausted. Still, as time passed, I realized that early motherhood had more pros than cons, at least in my view.
Here are some of the benefits of early motherhood, i.e., having a baby in your 20s, as I see them.
When in our 20s, our bodies are stronger and more able to handle the exhaustion that comes with motherhood, such as sleep deprivation. There are fewer fertility issues during this period as our bodies are healthier. In most cases, we may have a lower risk of complications during pregnancy and recover faster after childbirth.
Once our children are on their toes, we can chase them more easily than if we were older.
I’ve realized that the wider the generation gap, the more difficult it gets to connect with your child. With early motherhood, you grow alongside your child, understand them better and connect with them more deeply.
A 33-year gap involves certain discomforts that may need extra attention. They may not always understand what you mean. They may tend to take things for granted because you may look older and incapable of punishment. They may think you don’t really love them.
When we opt for early motherhood, our kids can meet their grandparents and some of our grandparents can sit with their great-grandkids. I’ve always been fascinated by families with multiple generations in touch with each other (courtesy saas-bahu drama series) . I think it’s a blessing. Though my grandmother forgets the names at times, she still feels alive and excited when her great-grandkids run around her. And, I feel good that I am one of her grandkids who made that possible.
Though this can be subjective, in our 20s, our minds are more flexible to adapt to the new journey. As young parents, we may be more open to different parenting styles and are ready to choose the one that works for us.
When we are older, we tend to have a stricter schedule laid out for us, which may or may not accommodate a child easily.
Though our motherly duties never end, and many of us work while our kids are young, some of us prefer staying home until they start school or college. In case of the latter, early motherhood allows us to start/restart our careers earlier, find our passions or have the freedom to travel without guilt before we get too old to do anything.
Of course, benefits for some could be challenges for others but here are some challenges that may come along with early motherhood in general.
When we become mothers in our 20s, sometimes, we may face postpartum depression for various reasons like isolation from the rest of the world, our friends may be busy enjoying themselves while we may have a few restrictions, caring for a newborn brings on several changes in our lives, an identity crisis, etc. Basically, it could feel like a truck just hit us when we weren’t looking.
But, with the exposure about PPD these days, we may be able to get out of it sooner or even avoid it altogether.
Many of us are just starting out, so having a child could be expensive. If one parent staying at home is not an option, childcare could also add to the expenses.
Therefore, it is advisable to avoid buying unnecessary baby items. For example, you could avoid disposable diapers, breastfeed instead of giving other food and rely on hand-me-downs to reduce costs. In our case, we didn’t buy many other baby products, and kept using disposable diapers instead because our sleep was more important.
When we are in our 20s, many of us are unable to get our act together, welcome motherhood with its plentiful changes and navigate our relationships, especially with our spouses, all at once. This may put a strain on our marriage if the husband is not mature enough to keep it together for both of us. This can cause severe stress on the new mother and indirectly affect her milk supply, interest in caring for the baby, etc.
Such things can be resolved once both communicate and discuss the situation and emotions at hand and divide responsibilities. Marriage, after all, is a two-way street.
Having my first child at 29 helped me understand motherhood and avoid postpartum depression after my second delivery. Also, after my second one, I was anyway busy belly dancing, drawing and hanging out with my girlfriends before and after delivery, so I was quite busy doing things I love. I had no time for depression. So, I guess, you have to keep yourself busy to avoid depression and unnecessary overthinking.
While early motherhood has emotional, financial and relationship challenges, I believe that its benefits, especially physical readiness, stronger family connections and earlier personal freedom later in life, are some of the things that can outweigh the difficulties, especially when parents communicate well and stay mentally active. I’m glad I had my kids at a younger age, as I feel that starting a family early provides a unique, rewarding and fulfilling experience.
What are your thoughts on this?
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
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