When you’re young and enjoying life, you don’t think about settling down and having kids. For some of us, marriage was the last thing on our minds until we found someone we wanted to be with every day. Even then, we couldn’t imagine ourselves caring for little human beings or chasing them around the place.
But when I had my first child at 29, I realized the importance of having kids early and taking care of myself. Then, when the next one came at 33, I was exhausted. Still, as time passed, I realized that early motherhood had more pros than cons, at least in my view.
Here are some of the benefits of early motherhood, i.e., having a baby in your 20s, as I see them.
When in our 20s, our bodies are stronger and more able to handle the exhaustion that comes with motherhood, such as sleep deprivation. There are fewer fertility issues during this period as our bodies are healthier. In most cases, we may have a lower risk of complications during pregnancy and recover faster after childbirth.
Once our children are on their toes, we can chase them more easily than if we were older.
I’ve realized that the wider the generation gap, the more difficult it gets to connect with your child. With early motherhood, you grow alongside your child, understand them better and connect with them more deeply.
A 33-year gap involves certain discomforts that may need extra attention. They may not always understand what you mean. They may tend to take things for granted because you may look older and incapable of punishment. They may think you don’t really love them.
When we opt for early motherhood, our kids can meet their grandparents and some of our grandparents can sit with their great-grandkids. I’ve always been fascinated by families with multiple generations in touch with each other (courtesy saas-bahu drama series) . I think it’s a blessing. Though my grandmother forgets the names at times, she still feels alive and excited when her great-grandkids run around her. And, I feel good that I am one of her grandkids who made that possible.
Though this can be subjective, in our 20s, our minds are more flexible to adapt to the new journey. As young parents, we may be more open to different parenting styles and are ready to choose the one that works for us.
When we are older, we tend to have a stricter schedule laid out for us, which may or may not accommodate a child easily.
Though our motherly duties never end, and many of us work while our kids are young, some of us prefer staying home until they start school or college. In case of the latter, early motherhood allows us to start/restart our careers earlier, find our passions or have the freedom to travel without guilt before we get too old to do anything.
Of course, benefits for some could be challenges for others but here are some challenges that may come along with early motherhood in general.
When we become mothers in our 20s, sometimes, we may face postpartum depression for various reasons like isolation from the rest of the world, our friends may be busy enjoying themselves while we may have a few restrictions, caring for a newborn brings on several changes in our lives, an identity crisis, etc. Basically, it could feel like a truck just hit us when we weren’t looking.
But, with the exposure about PPD these days, we may be able to get out of it sooner or even avoid it altogether.
Many of us are just starting out, so having a child could be expensive. If one parent staying at home is not an option, childcare could also add to the expenses.
Therefore, it is advisable to avoid buying unnecessary baby items. For example, you could avoid disposable diapers, breastfeed instead of giving other food and rely on hand-me-downs to reduce costs. In our case, we didn’t buy many other baby products, and kept using disposable diapers instead because our sleep was more important.
When we are in our 20s, many of us are unable to get our act together, welcome motherhood with its plentiful changes and navigate our relationships, especially with our spouses, all at once. This may put a strain on our marriage if the husband is not mature enough to keep it together for both of us. This can cause severe stress on the new mother and indirectly affect her milk supply, interest in caring for the baby, etc.
Such things can be resolved once both communicate and discuss the situation and emotions at hand and divide responsibilities. Marriage, after all, is a two-way street.
Having my first child at 29 helped me understand motherhood and avoid postpartum depression after my second delivery. Also, after my second one, I was anyway busy belly dancing, drawing and hanging out with my girlfriends before and after delivery, so I was quite busy doing things I love. I had no time for depression. So, I guess, you have to keep yourself busy to avoid depression and unnecessary overthinking.
While early motherhood has emotional, financial and relationship challenges, I believe that its benefits, especially physical readiness, stronger family connections and earlier personal freedom later in life, are some of the things that can outweigh the difficulties, especially when parents communicate well and stay mentally active. I’m glad I had my kids at a younger age, as I feel that starting a family early provides a unique, rewarding and fulfilling experience.
Disclaimer: This is not to diss mothers who have kids late. I have also had my second child at 33 and am now expecting another one at 43. And, I can see the difference, that’s all. Of course, to each his own. All the best!
What are your thoughts on this?
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19 Comments
I love how you are owning your pregnancy look, Cindy! All the best for a smooth delivery and you bouncing back soon! Which I know you will!
Thank you, Mayuri!
I had my first child at 25 and the second one at 30. I don’t think I was prepared for motherhood at 25. To each their own, early motherhood maybe great for physical health but I think the mental repurcussions are way too much. If I could do it all over again, I would choose late marriage and hence late motherhood.
FIrst of all congratulations! And yes while I had my child at 30 and twins at 37 I also see the benefits of early motherhood – though dont think that would have been for me. But a young colleague recently got married in her early 20s and got pregnant immediately afterwards. I found it a bit surprising but was glad to see that it was a choice she made knowingly and felt she could fully focus on her career once the baby was slightly older and not take a break career for a child. So that was a point of view too.
I really felt this. Early motherhood is such a mix of love, exhaustion, and growth..your honest take made me feel seen and reminded me I’m not alone.
You’ve rightly pointed out the benefits of early motherhood, Cindy. It’s easier to bounce back and one can always keep their careers going smoothly. You’re brave to try a third time and honestly, glowing a lot!
Hahha! Thank you, Varsha!!
I know of many including two of my aunts having one more child when they were in their forties. They enjoyed the whole experience and were very close to their youngest..almost like a friend. You are glowing and best wishes coming your way
Thank you, Chandrika!!
Bless you and the coming baby, Cindy. You look ready to take on the challenge. I was a mom at 20, and believe me, I was clueless and not ready. Then the postpartum blues. We knew nothing about it then. I am happy to be a young grandmom, and my daughter and I have bonded well, but I wish I were better prepared.
Thank you, Harjeet!
I agree. I had mine late too and regret it. Also because while I’m navigating through menopause, my son is in his teens with his own challenges due to hormonal changes. It’s a tough phase. Of course, I didn’t choose to marry late; I had elder siblings for whom I had to wait. Hence, just moving on with what life has to offer. I’m sure you’ll have lots more to share after the arrival of the third one…waiting to hear that! Best wishes!
Menopause and teens seems like a deadly combo! But, I’m sure you’re doing the best you can, Janaki! Yes, I already have a blog ready once I deliver, hahahaha!
I loved how you highlighted both the joy and the challenges without sugarcoating either. It’s such an honest and reassuring read for anyone navigating this phase.
Thanks, Manali!
Dear Cindy I cant agree much with you as my heart also says the same what you penned in this article. But you had your kids at right time and I had it very very late , there are countless reason for the same and that was not something I wished as a woman to hold my baby late on my arms. Something destiny planned for me way before I planned for me. Anyways being a mother at late age I can very well understand the drawbacks as I am passing through it. My body, my mind my soul all need to work really hard to cope with the demands and expectations of the little child. I am trying and I believe I will succeed… Better late than never… I am positive and progressing with confidence.
True. I also have my other 2 late but the experience has taught me that the earlier the better. If possible of course.
You look gorgeous Cindy! Pregnancy suits you. I have always been scared of having a child, which is why being single has been good for me. I do agree though that young mothers get children as companions. And the mother is fit enough to look after the child also.
Very thought-provoking article. Personally, I prefer the idea of having children before or at least 30s, for the reasons that you mention in your blog. And yet, I don’t think there are rigid rules for such stuff. What works for each is what matters the most. The rest will fall into place. Wishing you happiness and joy, always.