The cover features Matthew Perry for it is a memoir. The background matches the colour of his eyes.
Name: Friends, Lovers, And The Big Terrible Thing
Author: Matthew Perry
Format: Hardcopy
Number of pages: 250
Availability: Amazon (Buy the paperback here)
Rating: 3/5
The title is quite apt, as it’s about friends, lovers, and many things that Matthew Perry experienced in life.
The language used was American-Canadian English, so I had to research a few phrases, references and words that were unfamiliar to me, like ‘time for a big geographic’, ‘before the permafrost shows up’, ‘an SNL-like show’, etc.
The new words for me were anhedonia and bupkis.
The book is about parts and pieces of Matthew Perry’s life since his birth on 19 August 1969. It covers stories from his childhood, his parents’ divorce, and how it affected him, his confused emotions as a kid (and an adult), his breakthrough with F.R.I.E.N.D.S., and life after the ‘best job in the world’ came to an end. Mainly, he spoke about the rawness of being an addict, experiencing God (the light), and eventually helping people who were suffering like he did.
*It’s raw! It’s real! It’s emotional!
*The book was like Chandler Bing speaking to us about his REAL life behind his REEL life.
*Perry shows us how much and why a young child NEEDS a stable family while growing up. Perry continuously had fears that ‘he wasn’t enough’, or ‘people would abandon him’, or ‘he was an unaccompanied minor’ throughout his life. Many times, kids experience these feelings, and there should be someone (mostly a parent) with whom they are comfortable expressing these emotions.
*Though late, Perry ultimately learnt that he didn’t HAVE TO BE a joke machine for people to like him.
*The book shows how fame and fortune did not help Perry get better. Instead, the millions of dollars and corrupted doctors allowed him to have more drugs and smoke in some hospitals or rehab centers where he was admitted.
*Perry mentioned that in a book, ‘Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous’, author William Silkworth wrote in 1938 that men were not drinking to escape, they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control. It was then that Perry finally understood that he was an alcoholic.
*Perry shows us how many times an addict can actually relapse and some of the reasons for it. I learnt about quite a few names of several drugs.
*Let’s not get into that. Perry is in a better place now since 28 October 2023! May he rest in peace.
I have wanted to read this book since I found out about it. But, didn’t get down to buying it. I am a huge fan of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and I keep watching reels or shorts of it every now and then. If I do watch, those are the only reels I’m interested in.
Matthew Perry’s thoughts (as a child) were heartbreaking – he says “I had no one to tell me it was OK, no one to look at for assurance. My feet didn’t even reach the floor. I was too scared… and I so vividly remember thinking that those lights, and all that beauty, meant I was about to have a parent.” He was divided between both his parents, who had separated before he turned one (his father abandoned his mom and Perry), and eventually started new families of their own. Despite Perry being an active part of both their lives/families, he never quite felt complete.
It was sad to know that, like Robin Williams, Matthew Perry was also funny on the outside and suffering on the inside. Sadly, this quote holds true for both of them – “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” – Robin Williams (1951-2014). Williams died by suicide. In the book, Perry talks a lot about ‘if he died’.
Perry depended a lot on drugs and alcohol to make him feel better. To feel happy. To fill the void in him. And he kept rambling on and on about the number of times he failed to stop himself from relapsing and the type of drugs he consumed, and what they did to him. Apparently, every time he left rehab, he would buy a new house to feel better. Seems like he had a lot of money and plenty of time to waste.
In a couple of videos on YouTube, Perry says that addiction or alcoholism is the obsession of the mind. It’s the secrets that kill us for we are ashamed and hide it from our friends and loved ones. In this book, he goes all out and tells us how he was controlled by this disease, and how many times he visited rehab to get better.
When he was finally better around a year before he released his book on 1 November 2022, he was looking to build his life, have a wife and some kids. But, sadly, he passed away, at 54, less than a year after its release.
I read this book because I love F.R.I.E.N.D.S., but I would recommend you read it only if you are a die-hard fan of Matthew Perry.
Have you read his book?
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42 Comments
This review gives details about Matthew Perry’s lifelong struggle with addiction, the pain of his unstable childhood. It’s painful to read which is full of redemption.
You’ve captured the heart of the memoir really well. Its honesty, pain and hope all wrapped in that signature humour. I don’t think I’ll recover from his loss, more so in terms of the beloved Chandler Bing.
I love how personally you connected his childhood wounds, his humour, and his battles. Your reflections carry both tenderness and honesty, making the review feel intimate, human, and beautifully grounded.
I have been meaning to read this book for a long time. Your review just bumped it up my TBR list. Thanks for sharing!
I don’t folllow Friends much but Matthew Perry’s untimely death shocked me as much as Robin William’s did (one of my fav). It really takes more to see what people actually go through from inside because putting up a smile can be so deceiving. I would like to read the book someday to know more about his thought process.
Thanks for the review. Matthew was and is much loved for his charachters as well as his offscreen persona, but like they say, the happiest faces hide the loneliest smiles. May he RIP.
Chandler Bing was a huge part of FRIENDS and one of my favourite characters for his comic timing and his vulnerability. It is so sad that alcohol and drugs took over his life. He had so much more to offer to his fans. What I feel sad about is that the FRIENDS cast will always have a void with Matthew Perry having flown away from the nest. I don’t know whether to read this book or remember him as he was – brilliant and sharp witted!
I am a big fan of the series too and Chandler’s death had jolted me too. He was just 54 ! Thanks for the review of the book. I am going to grab a copy of the same soon.
I think the story of his life teaches us a lot about life. The way he treated life, we can’t conclude what was the reason behind it but we do have the right to learn about his story that though life gives us many chances to get better and live with happiness, many of us can’t get it at the right time. Thanks for reviewing the book so nicely.
It was so heartbreaking to read that a man who was so funny in front of camera was so sad away from it.
Your review captures the essence of the book perfectly.
I’ve watched and re-watched Friends countless times, and like many girls, I probably dreamed of finding someone like Chandler Bing. I was heartbroken when I first learned about Matthew’s struggles. As much as I crave knowing more about his personal life, I’m afraid that reading this book might break me even more.
Wow, what a heartfelt review! Reading this makes me realise just how much Matthew Perry went through behind the laughs we all loved on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. It’s heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time—heartbreaking because of the pain he carried as a child and through addiction, and inspiring because he was honest, raw, and eventually found a way to help others. Your review really captures that mix of humour, struggle, and humanity. Definitely makes me want to pick up the book—not just for the fan moments, but to understand the person behind Chandler Bing.
That’s the saddest part. Those who give us our entertainment hide their personal suffering. I thoroughly enjoyed his acting and comic timing. Your review is intriguing. Seems like an interesting book worth picking up.
For me, the persona of Chandler Bing looms large upon Mathew Perry. I do not think I will be able to read this book.
I really liked your review and how you drew out the nuances of his life.
When we get to know persons from close quarters only we realise how hard life is for a lot of people. Your review does make the author an interesting person to get to know
I remember my sister getting a pre-ordered copy in USA and chandler Bing is our favorite. This book brought back so many memories!
You’ve captured the raw honesty of Matthew Perry’s memoir without losing the tenderness behind his struggles. The way you’ve highlighted his humour, pain, and vulnerability makes the book feel even more human.
I loved friends and could re-watch it any number of times..this book is definitely raw and also shows how people who smile outside are not always happy from the inside. Insightful
Chandler was my favourite character. I couldn’t get myself to read the book. Loved your thoughts on the book, Cindy.
Thank you, Mayuri!
This was such an honest review and I cannot imagine the courage it takes to write these vulnerable sides to oneself in a book. Being a celebrity is fraught with so many masks.
So true, Suchita!
I miss Chandler. We never know what goes on in these celebs’ lives. I am curious to know more about Mathew Perry .
You should read this book then, Mandira!
As many times i said I am not much fond of foreign authors which I agree not a good thing… that is the reason I have no clue abut FRIENDS tooo. but based on the review you shared it actually gives me a kick to try it. Will try to grab a copy next month.
I’ve been in love with Chandler Bing and then Matthew Perry through some of his movies. I avoided this book as it would hit too close. Your review is just as I expected it to be. Funny people hide so much behind their smiles. 🙁
I love Matthew!! But his memoir is so painful to read! I would love to remember him as a Chandler bing
I liked the honesty in the review and how you’ve chosen not to talk about drawbacks. For some books, we really can ignore those little bits. I also liked it where you said that the background color of the cover matches Perry’s eyes. That’s quite a comparison.
Haven’t read this nor heard of the book! Ofcourse I watched
F. R.I.E.N.D.S but it was just that to me…a show where people played the role. Even in my younger days, I wasn’t crazy , crazy about anyone much . Yes sometimes childhood is real sad. He was lucky to land such a role so guess it becomes than a choice. Not meaning to belittle mental health but then life would be more of a tragedy if he was poor. Then maybe he would have less time to wallow.
Yeah I said that, too. His millions did not help much, instead it gave him unwanted privileges like smoking in the hospital and all.
This time your review gave a vocab lesson too through anhedonia and bupkis. Nice!
Chandler is an all-time favourite (TV) fictional character for me and I’ve been avoiding this title mostly because of that; because I want his image to stay that way in my head. I don’t know if that makes sense
It does, totally!
Reading Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing left me unsettled in the best way, it’s a raw pull-no-punches account of fame, addiction and identity that made me see comedy in a whole new light and with his passing, this book resonated to me all the more.
Its heartening to see what our favourite stars go through in their real lives, no one would know behind their cheerful reel presence.
Your review has effortlessly brought out the essence of the book, and the real Perry.
I don’t think I would like to read the book. I would like to remember Mathew Perry, as he was in Friends. It is sad to read your review itself. Alcohol and drugs have taken the lives of numerous actors in Bollywood and Hollywood. 54 was no age to go. Imagine he still wanted to have a wife and kids, a dream unfulfilled like so many others.
Yup, it was sad!
I’ve never understood why people throw away their blessings. I am also confused whether I would read the book or not. I watched FRIENDS quite recently. It shows such goodwill and positivity. Let’s see what I do about the book.
Don’t read it unless you want to know more about Perry’s personal life.
I enjoyed watching friends but as a psychologist I am interested to understand why Mathew Perry met the fate that he did. Thanks , I too have the book and do plan to read it soon.
Let me know your thoughts.
I haven’t watched Friends or followed its fame, so your book review of “Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing” felt like diving into a story I knew nothing about which, strangely, made it more intriguing.
I’ve always loved Chandler Bing, and now I feel like I need to read this to understand Matthew Perry beyond the jokes.