Back in 2012, I had no idea what I was about to experience. I had just shifted base to Bangalore, India, a year ago and I was still trying to settle into the new lifestyle. Things were different here. The food was different. The people were different. And, I couldn’t just up and go wherever I wanted to. Unlike Bombay, the public transport system in Bangalore royally sucked.
So, I was home all day. Then the unplanned pregnancy surprised us, but I accepted it because I believed that God knew what I needed before I realised I needed it. I respected his decision and took care of myself until my mom arrived, and her motherly love comforted me. Before my mom arrived, I totally depended on my sixth sense, which, if you follow my writing, is still my favourite companion. My husband was happy, surprised and equally supportive. He was also going to be a father for the first time.
When I delivered through C-section and the doctor showed me my little angel, the only reactions I had were slight confusion and relief. Confusion because I thought babies were born with their eyes closed, while mine had her eyes wide open. And relieved because it was a girl (for a long time, I was afraid to have a boy). I passed out after that. When I woke up, she was immediately put in my arms to suckle on my breasts. Yes, I had read all about breastfeeding benefits, but the reality was a totally different feeling.
The day I had to get out of bed, for the first time after delivery, I was in excruciating pain. After I remembered all those who had numerous children and back-to-back caesareans, I wasn’t sure if I could go on like this. But I was damn sure I didn’t want to go through this again.
For the first three months, my mother was there to care for me, support me mentally and assure me that everything was going to be alright. She helped bathe and change the baby while I could sleep when I felt exhausted. Once the operated area was less painful, I took our Labrador for walks. Poor thing felt that our love for him was divided. I even took driving classes during this time. The instructor was so happy with my driving (I already had a license in Kuwait) that I barely had to take a test before I received my license card.
It was a little after three months when my mom had to resume work. I was left alone, alone with my wild thoughts. Thoughts that made me feel that I was merely the background while history repeated itself. Thoughts that made me believe that ‘dying’ was the only milestone I had left. Thoughts that made me believe that my life was over.
Eventually, these thoughts started taking control and I slumped into dejection. Added to this were sleep deprivation, exhaustion and self-doubt. I would panic every time my daughter let out a sound. I would wake up every time I thought my daughter moved. Sometimes, would wake up with shudders for no rhyme or reason. I had nightmares of losing my child or forgetting her behind.
Despite reading about the several reasons a baby could be crying, I would find myself crying along with her because I had no idea what else to do. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Sometimes, her cry would make me so angry I would yell at her to keep shut and then immediately hold her tight and apologise. This made me feel completely guilty and hopeless.
I was alone at home all day, with my little one, wondering how the world could leave such a young soul completely under my care. Was I capable of this? What if something happened? My husband’s long working hours and our family’s history of lost siblings did not help me much. Though I was aware that the latter was all in His hands, I wondered if I could care for a tiny human being efficiently. This led me to question my skills as a mother.
A couple of years later, when I was more sorted with being a mom, I read somewhere that all the above symptoms came under ‘postpartum depression’ or ‘PPD’. It is something almost every new mom experiences. I was relieved to know I was not insane. I wasn’t the only new mom suffering from confused thoughts and emotions. Postpartum depression is real. It is not talked about openly but it does exist.
PPD is depression suffered by a mother after childbirth. It mostly arises from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustments to motherhood and fatigue. Ultimately, it is due to the difficult transition from womanhood to motherhood. And any huge change in life is difficult and terrifying in the initial stages, isn’t it?
While keeping the mother and baby healthy, the mother’s mental well-being is often compromised because according to societal ‘norms’, we, women, are SUPPOSED to have babies, we are SUPPOSED to care for them, we are SUPPOSED to follow traditions, we are SUPPOSED to ignore our feelings and we are SUPPOSED to learn to do several things (even if we are not able to do them). Until all hell breaks loose.
By my second delivery in 2016, I had a better understanding of myself and the people around me. Only the distance between my daughter and me, for the first few days, saddened me. After that, I made sure that she was involved with everything concerning her baby brother. I made sure I found solutions and did not fall into bouts of more self-doubt. I took care of myself (physically and mentally) as much as I could. By the end of three months, I was able to perform (along with my friends) a belly dance piece on stage.
Having gone through two deliveries, I would advise you, to-be-moms and new moms, to first be conscious of your thoughts and body changes. Despite the household excitement of welcoming a new life, traditional rituals and family norms could further exhaust you. While changing diapers and doing other household chores, try to keep negative thoughts away and rest properly.
Being mindful is the solution to many things. But, you may be thinking ‘how?’ So, let’s look at some tips that I managed to implement after my second delivery to stay sane and avoid going into depression.
Try not to panic and go wild with your thinking. Babies can overwhelm you, especially if you’re already burdened with numerous other responsibilities. So, the moment you find yourself thinking about something scary, depressing or unnecessary, consciously shrug it away. This little effort can reduce a lot of your stress and anxiety.
Ask your friends to visit you often (in case they aren’t already). Try and have someone you are most comfortable with around you during this time. Avoid negative people and people who overwhelm you at all costs.
Our babies are our priority. I preferred getting help for household chores and in-law care, etc., rather than hiring a nanny for my baby. You may feel you are superwoman but try not to overdo things. Outsource or reduce what is expected from you and stay more connected to your child instead. Their innocence can comfort us in unimaginable ways.
Always listen to your heart. Follow your motherly instincts when caring for your baby so that it helps you get around motherhood smoothly.
You can always talk to your closest friends about your feelings. Expressing emotions can help make you feel better when overwhelmed with emotions and responsibilities. Join FB groups where you will find that numerous new moms go through similar thoughts and feelings. They will remind you that this is just a phase and you are not alone.
In conclusion, be mindful of your responsibilities, be positive and focus on your child. Postpartum depression is a transition phase that needs awareness. So, instead of succumbing to it, try and enjoy this phase of motherhood, which may never come again, as your child is this tiny only once.
All the best!
Read more on PPD: Maternal Mental Health & 5 Warning Signs of PPD
Read How we became parents despite the Copper T!
#LetsBlogwithPri is a Blog Train hosted by Prisha Lalwani, Author at Mummasaurus. I wholeheartedly thank Disha Mehrotra, Author at Life My Way, for introducing me in her blog about tummy trouble remedies. Also, I would like to introduce Sweta Kachhap, Author at Cloud and Sunshine. Do read her review on a book for children.
Hosted By :Prisha Lalwani Mummasaurus.com IG: @mummasaurus1 FB: /mummasaurus1
45 Comments
[…] with the warmth of the mother. Because of this, the mother’s stress levels lessen during this difficult post-partum period. Along with perks come pains in any episode of life. So, here are the pains of breastfeeding which […]
[…] This post is written as part of #LetsBlogwithPri initiative hosted by Mummasaurus. I would like to thank Sharvari for introducing me in her post. You can check her blog here. Now, I would like to introduce Cindy next in this train. You can check her blog here. […]
I had PPD during my first pregnancy. I used to cry every time my daughter cried during nights for the first month after delivery. Sleep deprivation affected me the most. This article sums it all. I did have to take any medications but I am glad I had a very supportive husband. The article is very well researched and nicely written. Kudos!
Thank you Durga.
Couldn’t agree more with your thoughts. Postpartum depression is real. I was going through that phase in my life, but everything is going to be okay as days go by.
I am too young to understand this in detail, however my Mami is a new mom, will share your blog with her. I am sure this will be helpful to her.
Yes do share it with her so she is aware.
Postpartum depression is so bad, many women suffers with it and thanks for sharing your story with us
Proud of you for having shared your story with the world. I too suffered from mild PPD and the advice you have listed is all good advice. Another thing I can add from personal experience that helped me, was to begin exercising- it is an instant mood enhancer and when you lose weight, you feel better too!
Oh wow. Exercising helped you? I tried but got lazy and started binge watching. 😬
Any sort of depression needs awareness and counseling. Good that you brought about a subject which is less discussed.
Hope you will forward this to spread awareness.
i have gone through this. and in my family no one could understand. wish i read such article before. very insightful.
Awwww. Even I took time to understand what I was going through. Hope you are better now.
I didn’t really knew what PPD was, i mean what it is actually wasn’t clear to me…I guess I have an idea now…this really needs awareness and attention…
Yes it does. Hope you forward it to spread awareness.
Post partum depression is a real thing and could get fatal. I have been through a very bad phase and it was so hard to recover. You have down a great job talking about it.
Thanks dear. Do share it if u know new mums.
Postpartum depression is so bad, that women in worst cases actually need a psychiatric help.
It’s a worst phase when alone, obviously we have our own doubts because we are new to everything. Well written Cindy can Definitely feel you.
Thanks Dimple.
postpartum depression is really bad and the best way to come out from that is take help of your relatives in friend talk to them and share your responsibility .
PPD is an unknown and something not easily detected phase which many women go through. I have been a victim and I know the pain of delaying it. Although it is only when I realise it was PPD.
Yeah that’s the sad thing. We don’t even realize it.
This is a helpful article. My pregnant friend was discussing about this with me few days back. Sharing the blog with her.
As new mothers all of us go through post partum depression. It’s not easy to accept it in the first place. It is very important to have an understanding husband and family around you. Your post is very helpful.. I could relate to do many points
This is so emotional and relatable! Touching post!
[…] instead. Listen to your baby and you will avoid a great deal of confusion and anger associated with post-partum depression too. All the […]
[…] MOTHER-BABY BOND: Breastfeeding helps the baby bond with the warmth of the mother. Because of this, the mother’s stress levels lessen during this difficult post-partum period. […]
Lovely article. We don’t even know if it’s real and happening until we’re deep into it. It definitely needs awareness. 🙂
Thanks dear!
PPD is a real issue affecting many and people don’t realize it. Thankfully, I had a support system, still at times I would cry for no reason. This post is informative and your experience hits home for many of us.
Thanks Disha. Do share it with friends and family that you feel may benefit from reading it.
I went thru ppd myself and so I can relate to what you went through. Glad that you were able to come out of it.
Thanks dear.
PPD is a very common issue nowadays but, the least addressed one. New mothers should get more and more support as they are dealing with alot of things anyway
So true! We can change the world for sure.
So Wonderfully write up.. This is so helpful article specially for new moms.. You did great.. 😊 ❤️
Thank you dear
I have gone through that slump too.. the down phase where I couldn’t understand how mothers can be happy, always tired by breastfeeding, taking care of baby, not having enough sleep and always attentive to baby’s needs. I too have changed my perspective for my second delivery and took care of myself and avoided negative thoughts. I could enjoy more time with my second child and be happy. Well written and I can relate to every word.
Thanks dear
Such an honest post Cindy! Loved reading this honest account. We all go through PPD at one time or the other, just that the intensity differs depending on the situation each one of us is in. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for reading Aditi!
Wonderful article especially for new mums who do go through PPD and don’t even realize it. Many are always in denial, but it sneaks up on you and before you know it you are in deep. Thanks Cindy for sharing your story.
You’re welcome Ka! I’m hoping you are blessed enough to not have to go through such situations! Hugs and kisses!