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PARENT OR PEER?

I have always been an observer of weird things. I have seen parents ill-treating their kids. I’ve seen kids disobeying their parents on their face. I’ve heard of instances where the tiny kids also slap their parents in public. I’ve seen parents and kids yelling their lungs out at each other. Why? The elders will say that the parents have no clue how to discipline their children. The inexperienced will despise the kids themselves! What do you think?

When I was not a parent, I did not want to get near any kid who yelled or continuously cried or screamed. They touched my last nerve and being the short fuse that I was, always tried hard and held myself back. I wondered what I would do if I ever had kids and they behaved like that!

Now, as a parent, I’ve learnt a lot of things!

  1. I understand why a parent flares up at the slightest situation where she feels that her child could get hurt.
    2. I understand why my own mother yelled at me if I did something wrong. She feels guilty too.
    3. I understand why kids slap their mothers in public. It is because they are not corrected when they do it at home.
    4. I understand why many kids have their father as a hero and their mother as a maid. Because the father brings home the toys and takes them on vacation while the mother just does what she’s told to do – wash dishes, do the laundry, cook and pack. Not forgetting the traditional serving at all times. Kids grow up to believe that women are only meant to do such jobs. So, if they don’t listen, you yell at them or slap them. As a parent, are you bringing up your child the right way?
    5. I’ve learnt that we should avoid waiting on our kids the whole day! Let them keep their dirty clothes in a laundry basket, let them get their own water bottle when thirsty and when getting home, let them remove their shoes and keep them in the shoe bag or rack. They should learn to be self-sufficient with basics when they are young only then they will understand what it is once they are kicked into the real world!
    6. I believe that women should stand up for themselves as they are not baby producing machines where once delivered, she has no right over the product.
    7. When your child wants something she cannot have, sometimes, make it a point to say NO! It is very important that they know that they cannot have everything they want. Maybe you can give them all the money-bought things in life but what when you are gone and they need non-materialistic things? Should they snatch it or earn it?
    8. Yes, I do give my child a little time with my electronic devices. But, she knows they are not hers. They are mine and she has to ask for permission (that’s with a sweet ‘please’) to spend some time with it.
    9. You cannot always yell at your child and expect her to still treat you nicely. Yes, you may have a lot of stress from spouses, parents, in-laws, work, etc. but you have chosen to take care of all that and also have chosen to have a child. Does your child have to bear the brunt of your choices or enjoy his childhood?
    10. I’ve also learnt the tactics and strategies to make her do what I want when I want, as young kids do copy you in every way possible, even when you are unaware of it.
    11. When she was little, I made it a point to talk to her at all times. When I put the clothes in the laundry, when I cooked, when took her for a walk, etc. Now, she’s curious to know what things are called and tells me if she knows what she observes. Talking is very important in any relationship anyway.
    12. Some kids grow up with the feeling that their parents have all the money in the world irrespective of the real facts. Let your child know the realities of life at least to an extent. You don’t want your hard earned iPad being flung out of the window in anger only because your child believes you have the money to buy the latest version when it’s in the market! That’s instigating two bad habits – anger and greed!
    13. Kids believe that they are smarter than their parents. Yes, the generation gap will not help you with that in any way. But you can still let your child know that you are the parent (who has lived a life he hasn’t, and you have survived it)!
    14. Eating habits – let your child ASK for food when they are hungry or they will just end up hating the sight of anything edible and become more irritable with other things.
    15. And the most important thing I’ve learnt is that, if your child is hot tempered, you need to be calm first and only then can you calm them down with love and understanding. Otherwise, there will be days of yelling and screaming which will takes ages to stop! But then you shouldn’t let yourself be so calm that they do as they feel and get away with it!

Well, these are a few pointers that I have put into action and seen good results till now. I know, there are many more glorious years to handling the terrible teens but this is for starters. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading. 🙂

Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva
Cindy D'Silva, a belly dancer, writer and artist, besides being a mother of two. She loves partying, bowling and eating sushi. There is more about her on the ABOUT ME page. Do check it out! :) Do like the facebook page too: https://www.facebook.com/blogaberry/

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